Mask Schemes
by StareIntoTheSunset
Summary: Suspicious as to what's under Tobi's mask, the Akatsuki team up and try to find out. But will they ever be able to unmask him, much less catch a glimpse, at least? Find out as you read on! Rated T for minor swearing.
1. Chapter One: The Meeting

For a while now, Tobi had been the new member in the Akatsuki. No one knew why he was recruited, since the only side they'd seen of the masked man was his frilly, happy-go-lucky, girly, and stupid side.

No one questioned Leader about it, although whenever the masked man did something unbelievably idiotic, they questioned it with all their being.

If only they knew how he really was.

Tobi was actually many levels ahead of everyone, including the Leader. He was on his own tier of power. In fact, he could take on all the Akatsuki members combined. He was elite, athletic, and practically perfect at everything he did. This included cooking, too. And braiding hair.

He was Obito, Madara, and a Zetsu combined, but wasn't quite any of them.

The man behind the mask's real plan was to use the Akatsuki as part of his quest - to complete the eye of the moon plan. They would always ridicule him, make fun of him, and treat him like a lesser being. The man behind the mask would always chuckle or smile quietly, because compared to him, they were nothing.

Hidan was a creepy, blood-loving, Jashin worshiper, who had a very… _colourful_ vocabulary. Tobi found that his immortality was useful and valuable, although he found his rituals disturbing and creepy. Nevertheless, he couldn't deny that both he was a valuable asset. With his partner, Kakuzu, he was unstoppable.

Kakuzu was always on about money, but was an exceptional fighter, judging his age. He was strong, fast, and proficient in taijustsu. When Tobi first learned of his age, he was surprised that he wasn't surprised. Ninety was nothing compared to Madara's age. Age does not judge in the shinobi world.

Sasori was the person Tobi replaced. He's never even met the man, but judging from how the others talked about him, he was into puppets. And he _was_ one. But what he also heard was that Sasori was a powerhouse. He was the strongest puppet master in the entire shinobi world, with two hundred and eighty-nine puppets at his disposal, along with his extremely useful puppet body that gave him incredible versatility, and apparently took down an entire country. It was a shame to lose him. He was a valuable asset.

Kisame was a very valuable part of the Akatsuki. He was very powerful, elite, and took no hesitation in killing those in his way. In battle, he is very keen-minded and perceptive, often able to look into the basics of his opponent's techniques and figure out a way to avoid any potential dangers. With Samehada by his side, his power was equal to those of the jinchuuriki.

Itachi was brought to Tobi's attention. It was his first time seeing him after the Uchiha massacre so long ago. He had heard that Itachi was a prodigy, fit to be Hokage. There wasn't much to talk about the man. He was mature, and exceptionally skilled.

Pein and Konan were a deadly duo. Both were equally strong, and both were equally adept in battle. _Tobi_ was afraid of them, with their demeaning auras, but _Obito_ was not. Both were equally mysterious, and were not easily persuade. In order to get into the Akatsuki in the first place, he had to spill a bit of his dirty little secret. Fortunately, they agreed to helping him with his plan, even though he was just using them to his disposal anyways.

But most of all, he would laugh at his short-tempered, blonde artist of a partner. Ever since they were partners, Tobi found himself attached to the man. He made fun of Deidara so much, he almost always expected to get blown up in the end. But also, in that end, Deidara was merely one pawn.

Despite his extremely prideful nature, and his ego being as large as a juubi blast, Deidara was not one you should deal with. In battle, he was intelligent, often using misdirection or tricks to lure his opponents into the range of where his bombs were. Deidara also possessed the Explosion Release kekkei genkai, a very useful, unique, and powerful genkai that even leaderhad given praise to.

Of course, the rest of the Akatsuki would start to become suspicious as to what was under that swirly, neon orange mask that strangely resembled a pumpkin. No one has ever seen Tobi's real face. Every time he ate, it was like his food disappeared in a flash. The mask would go up and down in the time range of a second. Not even Itachi, with his Mangekyo Sharingan, could be able to catch a glimpse.

Even his own partner, Deidara, had never seen the man behind the mask. _So who exactly is he, and why is he here?_ They all would wonder.

One day, while Tobi had to attend private matters with Zetsu, the rest Akatsuki members had a meeting to discuss the matter (Excluding Pein and Konan).

"What the hell are we meeting for, again?" Hidan asked, clearly irritated, as his ritual had been disturbed.

Deidara grunted. "Listen… I know it's strange that I'm asking this, hm, but I need help."

Hidan stared at him in disbelief and burst out laughing. "What?! _You,_ of all the Akatsuki, need help?! Aw, poor Deidara-chan. Looks like the little bird needs help."

"Fuck off, Hidan. Just listen to me."

"Ha! As if! My ritual got disturbed because your weak ass needed our help for something. Hell, as if I fucking care! Just let the others help you and I'll go back to –."

"Shut up, Hidan." Kakuzu interrupted. "Kids these days… so loud."

"What did you bring us here for, Deidara?" Kisame asked.

Deidara looked at all the Akatsuki members and uttered, "I want to know what's under Tobi's mask, hm. That moron has been annoying me for ages, and I've been wondering why Leader put him in the Akatsuki. Why would a dumbass like him be here? All he does is walk around, pick flowers, and make stupid remarks."

"Your point?" The shark-like man said, wondering where Deidara was heading.

"I've had a theory for a while, yeah. What if Tobi is actually – and I know this sounds stupid but – a prodigy at fighting? Like, what if he was just hiding his skills from us? Think about it, hm. We were all recruited because we are powerful S-rank nins that are able to destroy entire countries. Why would you think Leader would recruit someone so… so… _stupid?_ Tobi is nowhere near our levels. He's leagues below us, un. I just don't understand why Leader would recruit someone like that."

The whole room was quiet. Deidara bit his lip, wondering if they were severely judging him or actually thinking about helping him.

"I don't see why this is necessary. There is no reason to do this. This is pointless and a waste of time." Itachi said.

Ah, a manly blow to the artist's pride. Deidara's cheeks erupted with a blazing red furiously. He was about to retort when Kakuzu cut him off.

"I'll only help if you give me one million ryo." Kakuzu said flatly.

"A million ryo?!" Deidara turned to look at him and screeched. "I'd rather die, yeah!"

Deidara's cheeks flared up once more. If this didn't work, he'd be so ashamed he wouldn't be able to talk to any of the Akatsuki members ever again. His ego was already shrinking by the minute.

"Well then, I won't help. If I don't get anything out of this, I won't bother in helping."

The blond knew it. He shouldn't have talked. Asking for help was hard enough, as a manlike him had too big of an ego to ask for help, especially when it came to the absolute dumbest member in the organization.

"C'mon, Kakuzu. Admit it; you've been curious of what's under Tobi's mask, too, right?" Kisame stepped in, much to Deidara's relief. The shark-like man actually thought this was a fun idea. He had been very curious, too. When he wasn't doing missions, all he did was train and plan. And the Akatsuki had too much time on their hands, anyways.

The charcoal-haired man thought for a few moments, and then uttered, "Sure… I'll do it."

Deidara's heart jumped with hope. God, he'd have to thank Kisame later.

"…But only if you give me money in return."

And Deidara's hope and faith in this plan went back down.

"Fine! How much do I owe you, hm?" Deidara said irritably.

"…A million ry –."

"No, hm! Give me a lower price, or else you'll take up all of my money!"

An Uchiha's sigh could suddenly be heard in the distance. All the Akatsuki looked at where the sound was coming from.

The raven-haired man was leaning against the walls of the Akatsuki's base, arms crossed and looking at the ground. "I don't see why this is necessary. There is no reason to do this. This is pointless and a waste of time." He repeated his statement from earlier.

Deidara growled under his breath. He never liked the Uchiha, or anyone who possessed the Sharingan. They judged his beautiful art. The blond artist took a deep breath, trying to calm down. As much as he hated admitting it, getting Itachi on his team would give him a major advantage. With his disgusting Sharingan, he could try putting Tobi in a genjutsu or something.

 _Think, think, think…!_ Deidara thought furiously.

Lost in thought, the blond's gaze had landed on Kisame. And that is when he got an idea.

"Oi, Kisame, un. Itachi's no fun. I can see why Sasuke doesn't like him…" Deidara trailed off and looked at the shark-like man, tipping his chin in Itachi's direction, hoping that Kisame could understand what he was saying.

The bomber smiled as he saw Kisame's face light up.

 _They were going to play the Sasuke card._

"Ah, you're right. Now I understand why Sasuke hates you so much." The Uchiha's eyebrows furrowed angrily, but before he could reply with a retort, Kisame continued. "You're not a very fun brother to be around. How boring."

Almost immediately, Itachi locked eyes with Deidara. "What do we have to do?" He said rather boldly.

The rest of the Akatsuki stared at him in disbelief. _Is he really that easy to...?_

"Hey, hey, hey! I never agreed to this!" Hidan yelled. "Besides, you guys disturbed my fucking ritual!"

"Same here." Kakuzu agreed. "I never said I would be a part of this. No money, no help."

Itachi both of them a death glare. "Hidan, I will cut off your head and bury it if you don't help us."

The Jashin worshipper's jaw slackened as he heard Itachi say that. "What the fuck are you –."

"And Kakuzu," Itachi interrupted Hidan, "I'll steal all of your money if you don't help."

The man stayed quiet for a few seconds, and finally responded with, "…Fine." Rather reluctantly.

Deidara grinned triumphantly. He couldn't believe Itachi convinced them that easily! But the best part was… mission "Unmasked" was under control!

* * *

Obito looked stood hidden inside the Akatsuki base, quietly eavesdropping on their entire conversation.

 _Oh, so they wanna play a game? We'll see about that._

* * *

 **(A/N: In each chapter, one Akatsuki member will try to unmask Tobi, or try to catch a glimpse of his face. Hope you enjoyed~! I'll try updating as soon as I'm able to.**

 **Also, my sincere apologies if any of the characters are OOC. It's been a while since I've watched Naruto, and I'm not one to write down the characters' personalities so flawlessly.**

 **I'm so sorry if there are any typos, this chapter was a bit rushed at the end since I've been pretty busy and quite stressed. Please review, and I'll see you soon!)**


	2. Chapter Two: Deidara

Obito quietly left after hearing their plan, swiftly activating Kamui, feeling the corners of his mouth lift a little.

It had been a while since he'd had fun.

* * *

Deidara looked at everyone expectantly, saying, "So, who'll go first, hm?"

All the Akatsuki stayed quiet, neither one of them volunteering. Itachi kept staring at the ground, arms crossed, his Akatsuki cloak gripped onto the walls of their base as he leaned. Kakuzu was sitting down, counting his money as if not even participating. Hidan sat cross-legged, muttering various words that Deidara wouldn't care to decipher. He was probably praying to his god or whatever. Kisame just sighed.

The bomber's eye twitched. Why was no one saying anything, dammit!?

He cleared his throat, getting a little impatient. A few minutes had passed, and the entire room was still quiet, the atmosphere awkward and vague.

"Are any of you even listening?" Deidara asked loudly, clearly irritated. This was a waste of time. Someone could've already been heading off to Tobi by now!

"Why don't you go first, Deidara?" Kakuzu said idly, still counting money.

"What? Why me?"

"Because it's your _fucking_ idea," Hidan answered for him. A smug smirk suddenly appeared on his mouth as he added, " _Dei-chan._ "

"I told you to stop calling me that, un!" Said man yelled, his cheeks erupting in a shade of light red. He hated that nickname.

"As if! I think the name suits you, ne, Dei-chan?" Hidan teased, altering his voice to an alarmingly irritable level.

"Hidan, shut up." Kakuzu scolded him. "Your tone of voice is making me want to throw up, more than usual."

"What the hell do you mean by 'more than usual', you wrinkly old bastard?" The silver-haired man retorted.

"Quiet. Are you going or not, Deidara?" Itachi asked flatly.

Deidara but his lip. He didn't want to go first. It was too sudden. He needed to observe, he needed to think, he needed to plan, he needed to -

Wait. Why was he thinking these things? This was _Tobi_ for Kami's sake. This wasn't some S-Rank nin who could easily defeat him in seconds. This was the dumbest member of the Akatsuki. He probably wouldn't even notice if his mask was even gone. Still, this was his plan in the first place. It was only fair that he went first.

"What're you waiting for, Deidara?" Kisame asked.

"I just... nothing, hm. Just mentally berating myself." (Mood) He sighed, and then smirked. "I guess I'll go first. I can see you all don't underestimate me, yeah. I bet I'll be able to unmask him by myself."

"You cocky fucker! If you think that, then why the hell did you ask for our _fucking_ help?!" Hidan screeched.

All Deidara could answer with was a little, "Tch," crossing his arms tightly over his chest and looking away.

"So what the fuck are we doing, then?" The Jashinist continued, brows furrowed. "There's no fucking reason to - _oh_."

 _It's in case he fails._

A huge smirk spread across the sliver-haired man's face before he burst out laughing. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. So the moron realized something for once.

Hidan wiped a tear, still dying from laughter. "That's to be expected from you, Dei-chan! Hahahaha! This is fucking gold!"

Deidara's cheeks burned with fury. He vowed that once he succeeded he would gloat in Hidan's face as much as he could. The thought made him cheer up.

"Well, I'm off. Wish me luck, hm." He said, ignoring the silver-haired man.

"I hope you fail!" Hidan laughed.

"Like hell I would!" The blond snapped. "Tobi won't be able to stand my art. I'll blow him away."

"Your jokes are fucking _terrible_!"

"Enough, you two." Kisame scolded them. He turned towards Deidara, saying, "Good luck."

And with that, Deidara walked away from the hideout.

After about fifteen minutes of looking, Deidara found Tobi nearby, picking flowers. Out of the corner of his eye, Obito saw Deidara head towards him.

 _So he's going first, eh?_ He thought. He turned around to face him.

"Oh! Hi, Deidara-senpai!" The man with the mask greeted him with a wave, pretending as if he'd just saw him.

"Hey, Tobi." The bomber said. "What're you doing?"

"I'm planning on making a flower crown!" The ravenette answered happily. He turned his back, continuing to pick flowers.

"That's cool, hm." Deidara said, absent-minded.

They stood there, shrouded in an uncomfortable silence. Deidara needed to think of some way to get his mask off without him noticing. And if he couldn't do that, a simple glance would satisfy him. Maybe he could treat him to lunch. It was almost noon, after all, and he'd figured that maybe Tobi hadn't eaten yet. From there, he could maybe find a way to catch a glance.

"Oi," Deidara said, breaking the silence, "Let's go to a dango shop."

Obito smiled underneath his mask. Did Deidara think he could catch a glimpse by having him eat?

Tobi gasped, shocked. "Deidara-senpai! Are you going to spend your lunch eating with Tobi?! Uwahh, what an honour! Senpai never eats with Tobi!"

"Yeah, yeah. It'll be my treat. Let's go." With that, the artist turned around, and began to walk away. His partner quickly scurried after him, bringing his flowers.

While walking towards the shop, Deidara could see Tobi quietly making his flower crown as they were walking. He ignored it, at first, but he could always see him out of the corner of his eyes, weaving away. There was always motion, and it quickly started to irritate him. His eye kept twitching, as he was trying to remain composed.

"So... Tobi," Deidara started, trying to get his mind off of it. "Where are you from?"

"Nowhere." The addressed man lied.

"Okay then..." Deidara trailed off. That had to be a lie, but he wouldn't push it. "Why do you wear your mask so much?"

"Because Tobi loves his mask." Came the short reply.

Why the hell were you partnered with me? Deidara wanted to ask. Instead, he asked, "Why did you join the Akatsuki, hm?"

Tobi stayed quiet for a few seconds, before answering, "I don't know. Because Tobi wanted to!"

"Why won't you take off your mask? You don't even do that while eating, hm. Do you even eat?"

These questions are getting too personal. If I let him continue I might accidentally let out too much. Obito thought. Luckily, he had finished his flower crown by then.

"Look, look, Deidara-senpai!" Tobi exclaimed, holding his flower crown in front of him, avoiding the question.

With a slight turn of his head, Deidara could see the brightly coloured circle of flowers being grasped gently by gloved hands. The flowers were so bright and beautiful, radiating some sort of warmth, various shades of blue being seen. "That's a nice flower crown, hm." he complimented him.

"Aw, shucks! Deidara-senpai, you're so kind! Kinder than usual, that is!"

"Don't test my kindness, Tobi."

"Fine, fine."

They walked a few more steps ahead, when Deidara felt something being placed on his head. His eyes widened, and he immediately turned around to see his partner, hands gently lowering the flower crown onto his head.

"Tobi, what're you doing, un?" The blond asked him, a hint of surprise and annoyance in his voice.

"Putting this flower crown on your head! I made it especially for you. I thought blue flowers would match your eyes." He answered cheerfully.

Deidara gave a small "Tch", But still decided to at least add, "Thanks, yeah."

"Eh? Deidara-senpai, you're acting weird today. Are you okay?" Normally, Deidara would try to blow him up, or at least say something mean.

"Of course I am, idiot. What's so surprising about me being nice?" Deidara told him irritably. He then came to a halt when he saw the dango shop a few meters away. "We're here, hm."

Deidara ordered two dangos for the both of them, and once they had arrived, he sat down with Tobi, giving him one of them.

They weren't you regular, sweet, brightly coloured dangos. They were steamy and warm, with brown undertones and sauce on top.

The artist quietly observed Tobi as soon as he gave him his food. He wouldn't eat anywhere else now, and he couldn't go anywhere. Tobi's gloved hands reached his mask, slowly lifting up the mask. A single piece of sweat traveled down Deidara's forehead, as his aquatic eyes locked onto the ravenette's mask. Tobi's hands went up further, and all Deidara could see so far was black. Deidara's eyes narrowed.

Then, with a swift move, Tobi turned around and fully lifted up his mask.

"Man, this tastes so good!" He exclaimed, with his mouth clearly stuffed. "The sauce tastes really good. It's not sweet nor salty. This is a masterpiece! Yum!"

Deidara quickly tried to lean over to see if he could catch a glimpse, but it was already too late. Tobi put the mask down and turned around - holding the dango stick - to see Deidara leaned over, facing his lower body. His gaze slowly locked onto Tobi's.

"S-senpai, what were you looking at?! You pervert!"

"Shut up! I wasn't looking at anything weird! Don't get any ideas, hm!" Deidara's cheeks went red in anger and embarrassment. "Besides, you're wearing a goddamn cloak. I'm sure there's nothing to see, yeah." He scowled as he realized he missed the opportunity to look at Tobi's face.

Whatever, they had the whole day.

They quickly left, walking together once more in the forest's trails. Deidara walked ahead, while Tobi stayed behind, looking at random things ever so often. He commented about the butterflies, the bugs, the trees, the grass... everything. And it irritated Deidara. A _lot_.

"Ne, senpai. How do you make art?" The masked man asked him.

"Isn't that obvious? I use clay to make my art, hm." The bomber replied.

"Oh, yeah! Art is an explosion!"

"That's my line, Tobi. You need to have your own catchphrase, un."

"Hmm... what should Tobi's catchphrase be? What do you think, Deidara-senpai?"

"I don't know, Tobi. It's your catchphrase, so _you_ should make it up."

The man with the orange mask put his fingers underneath his chin and tipped it downwards, as if deep in thought. Deidara relished in the quiet. It was so rare for him these days.

They were shrouded in silence once more, but this time, there was neither tension nor awkwardness.

Deidara looked forward, thinking about what he should do to try to unmask Tobi. Maybe he could try sneaking up on him? He glanced at his partner, who was behind him, still looking lost in thought. It was rather odd to see Tobi so quiet. He put his gaze elsewhere, landing on Tobi's eye-hole.

Deidara frowned, staring at the black void that filled it. Could he just ask him? Or was that a bad idea? But how would that be a bad idea? The man probably wouldn't even bother with the question. But then again, Tobi was quite cautious of his mask - or rather, his face. Why did he hide it? Was there even a reason to? Of course there was, because if there weren't, it was guaranteed that he would've already seen Tobi's face. Deidara stared at the ground. Maybe there was something Tobi didn't want to share? What if his face was hideous, and the man was just shy? Hideous or not, that still doesn't explain that much. But then again, what if Tobi was actually really smart and got suspicious of Deidara's plans? And - god forbid - if he failed, the others would have an even harder time, which didn't benefit anyone.

He turned around to look at Tobi once more. The said man noticed, and they locked eyes. "Hey, Deidara-senpai! Did you know we have ten fingers?! I never realized that!" The ravenette said, which broke the silence.

Okay, Deidara regretted thinking that Tobi was smart.

Maybe he really could just ask him.

"Oi, Tobi, un," The blond said, getting the masked man's attention.

"What is it, senpai?" He replied.

Deidara opened his mouth, about to ask, but then hesitated. Why the hell was he hesitating? There was nothing to lose here.

"I - never mind. I forgot what I was going to say, hm." He said, his mouth betraying his mind. He turned away from Tobi's gaze, looking ahead.

Goddamn it.

There was quiet, once more.

Obito wondered what the bomber was going to say. He could clearly see the amount of hesitation in his face and voice. It was as if he was going to ask him something important. He merely shrugged it off and continued walking with Deidara, knowing he had to make some kind of noise, as it was unnatural for "Tobi" to be so quiet.

"Uwahh! S-senpai! There's something scary on the ground!" Tobi shrieked, breaking the silence again. He came to a screeching halt.

"What is it?" The artist asked, his eyebrows cocking downwards as he turned to face Tobi.

"Th-there!" The ravenette sputtered. He pointed a finger to the ground.

Deidara looked to where Tobi was pointing and squinted his eyes. "Idiot. There's nothing there, hm."

"There was a bug there, senpai!" Tobi complained, "Bugs are scary!"

"Tch, what are you, a child?"

"Hmph, you're so mean!"

"I'm only stating the facts."

Tobi crossed his arms and pouted, although he knew Deidara couldn't see it.

"Oh, no! Senpai!" The man suddenly cried. Where did your flower crown go? Did you lose it?"

"I threw it away while you weren't looking, hm."

"Nooo!" Tobi sobbed, "Deidara-senpai, I can't believe you!"

"It would've wilted anyways, yeah."

Tobi sniffed. "Tobi worked so hard on it..."

Deidara's cheeks flared with red. "Fine, fine! It's right here, hm!" He reached underneath his cloak to reveal the beautifully weaved flower crown.

"Aw, senpai! You kept it? You're so sweet!" Tobi said, his tone indicating that he was crying from joy.

"Shut up, Tobi, it doesn't mean anything. I knew you would notice later on and would complain about it for ages, yeah. So I kept it." The artist said in a matter-of-factly tone.

"I'm sure that wasn't the only reason~!" His partner said in a sing-song voice, putting two fingers in the air and swaying them to his tune.

Deidara, too flustered to say anything, crossed his arms and let out a small "Hmph".

"Now you're being the childish one, senpai!" Tobi said cheekily.

"Piece of shit..." Deidara muttered under his breath.

Tobi pretended not to hear it.

* * *

It was evening.

Deidara and Tobi were bound to go back to the Akatsuki base soon, but before that, Deidara told Tobi to follow him somewhere first.

"Senpai, where are we headed?" The masked man asked, curious.

"Just be quiet, hm. You'll see." The blond replied.

Soon enough, they had reached a fairly secluded area, surrounded with trees. It was a circular shape, with the path connecting to it from the bottom. Deidara smirked. He had planned to come here with Tobi earlier, as he had buried some land mines in this area. He planned on hopping onto his clay bird and watching from above, as Tobi got caught in the smoke. Then, he would swoop down and grab his mask. He placed his land mines in specific areas so that the smoke wouldn't cover the trees; it would only cover the ground area. This way, if Tobi ever found a way to hop into the trees, Deidara would be able to catch it, though he doubted it. The man would probably just get confused in all the smoke.

He never thought he would have to use this plan, but he'll use it anyways. Good thing he prepared himself earlier. Before he thought that planning beforehand for someone like Tobi was a ridiculous idea, but now, the blond bomber was grateful.

"Tobi, stand in the middle of the circle, hm." Deidara grinned, "We're going to play a fun little game."

"Oo! Tobi loves games!" His partner exclaimed, and he gladly followed his orders.

Once he was in the middle of the area, Deidara made a clay bird and hopped onto it. The bird elevated into the air, about ten meters off the ground.

"Senpai! How do we play?" He yelled loudly, hoping Deidara could hear him.

"Just wait, Tobi! I'll show you soon, yeah!" The artist said, the grin still remnant on his face.

"Okay!"

 _I wonder what he's going to do,_ Obito thought.

Deidara's grin spread, as he put his hands together and yelled, "Katsu!"

Several explosions went off at once, covering the entire area. Only the surrounding trees were visible. He made sure not to place any bombs too near the middle, but close enough to cover it with dust. He didn't want to kill Tobi.

"Ahh!" Tobi's scream could be heard from miles away.

Deidara quickly scanned the trees the split second the explosions went off. No sign of Tobi.

Satisfied with how well the plan was going, he swooped down with his bird in triumph, and made sure to hop off at a safe height so that his clay bird wouldn't swoop any of the smoke away. He landed right behind Tobi.

Obito could hear the presence of someone behind him, so he immediately looked around.

Too late, Deidara was reaching for the mask. A millimeter away from grabbing it, Obito quickly made himself intangible. Deidara's eyes widened as his hand phased right through Tobi.

The smoke had cleared away, and all that was left were two Akatsuki members; One reaching to grab a swirly, orange mask, his hand going through his head, the other staring in bewilderment.

They stood there, not a muscle moving moving from either of them. They stood there for a good four minutes, staring at each other.

Obito could notice that he was starting to struggle; with both his state of intangibility and the stiff position he was in. In a minute, he would have to stop. He didn't want Deidara's hand to be cut off - _again._ Not that he really cared, but he would have to do some serious explaining afterwards. His partner finding out about his abilities was bad enough, but if he figured out he had some sort of time limit, his mask would be off sooner that he'd like.

That was when Tobi's shrilly voice broke the silence. "S-senpai... move your... hand..."

The arsonist stood frozen, still not moving, his mind numb with a faint ringing in his ears. He couldn't hear Tobi. He couldn't move. He couldn't process what just happened.

He only had a few more seconds. He could only remain intangible for five minutes, after all. " _Deidara,_ " Tobi warned, his voice slipping and cracking, barely almost revealing his true self. "-senpai." He quickly added.

That made Deidara snap back into reality. He hastily pulled his arm away, feeling strange.

"S-sorry, hm." He muttered, "I just... got carried away."

Deidara stared at the ground, shaken. He was panting and sweating.

"It's okay, senpai," Tobi said, waving his hand and posing in a girlish way. "I know you're just desperate."

Deidara gave him a dangerous glare, and Tobi let out a little "Eep!"

"C'mon, Tobi. We best be returning by now, hm."

"Okay, senpai!" Tobi agreed cheerfully. "But Deidara-senpai -."

Deidara turned to look at him, and shivers went up his spine as he noticed a demeaning, or almost threatening aura radiating his partner as his eyes locked onto the mysterious black void which was Tobi's eye-hole.

"- please don't do that again, okay?"

"O-of course, hm." Deidara said hastily, unsettled.

The atmosphere went back to normal, as Tobi said, "Yay! You're such a good friend, senpai!"

On the walk back to the Akatsuki base, Deidara's mind was elsewhere, still completely weirded out by the earlier events, ignoring his partner while they made their way back to the Akatsuki base.

* * *

As soon as Tobi was alone, he slumped against the nearest tree, breathing heavily.

 _Dammit... that was too close._ He thought. Obito was _so close_ to messing up. Good thing he had good reflexes.

He couldn't believe he had set his guard down, even with full knowledge of what the others were planning. He punched the tree he was leaning on, still breathing heavy and looking at the ground. His eyes narrowed.

Whoever was next, he wouldn't put his guard down.

* * *

"So, Deidara," Kisame said, "How did it go?"

"It went... _okay_ , hm." He replied, his tone clearly showing that he was distracted by something.

"Did you fail?" Hidan asked smugly.

Deidara didn't answer.

"Oi, I _said_ , did you fail?"

Still no answer came from the blond.

"Hey! Answer me, you bastard!"

Deidara's pupil's dilated as he came back to Earth. "Huh? What'd you say? Sorry, I wasn't listening, hm..." He trailed off, his eyes wandering around.

The Jashinist's eyebrows cocked downwards in frustration. "Are you okay? You're spacing out. It's fucking creepy."

"Sorry, I'm just... thinking."

"I assume you have failed, Deidara." Itachi said flatly.

Itachi's deep voice made Deidara twitch. He glanced at him, his aquatic eyes being met with blood red ones. "So what if I did, yeah?"

"So you did fail! Ha!" Hidan exclaimed triumphantly.

"Deidara, did you at least find something about him? Any information?" The shark-like man asked him.

All Deidara could reply with was with the truth. "Tobi is... _scary_."

The rest of the Akatsuki gaped at him. _Tobi_ was _scary?_ The guy who radiated with the 'cupcakes and rainbows' vibe?

"I call bullshit," Hidan said immediately.

"That's not very believable." Kakuzu followed after.

"Did he drug you our something Deidara? Did he mess with your brain?" Kisame asked him.

Itachi said nothing, and looked at the ground.

"I don't care if you believe me or not," Deidara uttered, fists clenched. "But something about him is just so... unsettling. You'll feel it when it's your turn, probably, hm."

"What are you, a wuss?" The silver-haired man teased.

"Shut the hell up, Hidan." The bomber retorted.

"Is that all, Deidara?" Kisame asked, sort of intrigued. "Anything else you found out to help us?"

"Well, there's one more thing." Deidara said, locking eyes with him. "You can phase through him. I tried reaching for his mask, but my hand went straight through his head, un. It sort of reminded me of that Hidden Leaf nin's ability... what was his name? Oh yeah, Kakashi Hatake's. I still can't believe Tobi has an ability like that."

Itachi's gaze latched onto Deidara when he heard the name, "Kakashi Hatake".

"I think... he got _angry_ at me. I don't really remember it, since I was blanking out. But his voice seemed kind of... different, you could say?"

"In what way?" The blue man asked.

"It was like he was going through puberty or some shit," The blonde's voice was low, tone uncertain. "His voice was cracking, as if he was struggling, yeah."

"Why the _fuck_ would Tobi go through _puberty_?" Hidan sneered, folding his arms around his chest. "Isn't he like, thirteen, or something?"

"Idiot. Do you really think he's thirteen? He's clearly in his twenties."

"The hell? No fucking way. He's definitely -."

"Will you two cut it out with your ridiculous conversations?" Kakuzu scolded them, sighing and slightly depressed with how stupid they were.

"Fine, sorry, hm." Deidara apologized. "As I was saying, Tobi's voice cracked a lot, as if he were struggling. I was wondering why."

"Deidara," Itachi said, making Deidara turn to him, a familiar look of hatred in his eyes, "You said something about Tobi having a similar ability to Kakashi Hatake's?"

"Yes, I did, hm," Deidara snapped, glaring at the Uchiha. "What of it?"

"Describe it."

"What?"

"I told you to describe it."

 _Damn Uchihas, ordering people around just because they think they're so special,_ Deidara thought, cocking his eyebrows down. "Before my hands got severed, part of them entered some sort of portal that Hatake had made, hm. The world was folding on itself, sucking me into it, yeah. Their jutsu's are barely the same, yet something about phasing through Tobi triggers a thought about Hatake in my head. I don't exactly know why."

Itachi was silent, his Sharingan burning through Deidara's skull. _Kami, what an eyesore,_ Deidara thought, disgusted.

It was went quiet. Everyone thought about this new information.

"Well, you tried your best, at least." Kisame said, breaking the silence.

"But you failed," Hidan added, making sure to remind the artist as much as he could.

"Will you shut up, you bastard!? I get it, okay? I'll blow you up if you say that again, hm!" Deidara yelled, putting a clenched hand in the air, as if to threat the Jashinist.

Hidan made a smug face. "'But you'll fail doing so."

The arsonist yanked Hidan's headband harshly, which was placed around his neck, and brought his face close to his own. "You..!"

"Hey, hey, calm down." Kisame said, breaking the two before Deidara blew the Akatsuki base up. "Let's just discuss who'll go next."

* * *

 **(A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Please remember to review. I'll post the next chapter next Friday! Hidan will go next ;)**

 **As I said before, this fanfic is merely for jokes, yet I want it to be serious at times. There's going to be some crack, hence the "puberty" conversation.**

 **I'm sorry the end was a bit rushed, and I'm sorry for any typos. I wrote this in the middle of the night and I was tired T^T Again, sorry if any of the characters are OOC. I have trouble writing the Akatsuki sometimes TvT)**


	3. Chapter Three: Hidan

"Okay, fine, hm," Deidara said, closing his eyes and folding his arms neatly over his chest. He smirked as he turned his head to look at Hidan, aquatic irises meeting magenta. The Jashinist raised his brow. "What the hell are you smirking at me for?" He said, bothered.

"I think," Deidara said, his smirk getting wider, " _You_ should go next, hm."

The arsonist expected the silver-haired man to whine or complain, yell about he doesn't want to go next. Instead, Hidan laughed, clutching his scythe.

"Fuck yeah!" He yelled, "I'll gladly go next!"

Deidara frowned, slightly annoyed now. "Why are you so eager to go, yeah? Aren't you irritated?"

"I'm going to bust his ass," Hidan said, confident. "I bet I can do a way better job than _you_ ever could."

"That's not true, hm. Just wait until you experience it."

"I knew it, you _are_ a fucking wuss!"

While Hidan and Deidara bickered, Kisame went up to Kakuzu, who – not surprisingly – was still counting his money. The bounty hunter looked up, locking eyes with the blue man. "What do you want?" He rasped idly.

Kisame grinned. "Want to make a bet?"

Kakuzu didn't display any sign of emotion, but Kisame knew that he was already deeply considering it. If it involved money, Kakuzu would be sold in seconds. "How much?" Was the first thing he asked.

"Twenty." Kisame answered, not missing a beat.

"What's the bet for?"

"For Hidan."

Kakuzu shook his head. "There's no point. If you're going to bet that Hidan will fail, then you've already earned the twenty ryo."

The Jashinist – who was still bickering with Deidara over him being a wuss – turned his head and screeched, "Fucking old man! I'm not going to fail, I have Lord Jashin by my side!"

The man with the charcoal hair, making no sign of hearing his partner, continued, "I'm not earning any money from a brat like that."

"Kakuzu!" The Jashinist yelled, waving a fist in the air while punching Deidara in the arm. "I'm telling you, I won't fail!"

"How can you be so sure of that, hm?!" Deidara cut him off, getting back the Jashinist's attention.

"Because I'll have Lord Jashin with me!"

The blond rolled his eyes. He had always found Hidan's religion annoying. He shook his head tiredly, knowing that they were getting nowhere with this conversation. "Hidan, do you even have a plan?"

"What the hell do I need a plan for? I'll just go right in and take off his mask, easy!" The silver-haired man hooted.

"You're an idiot." Kakuzu said, "You won't get anywhere without a plan."

"Fuck off, Kakuzu! Let me do what I want." Hidan retorted. "Besides, why the hell would I need one of those? Tobi is a fucking moron. He probably won't even notice."

Deidara sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but the half-witted bastard you're talking about is actually harder to crack than you think."

"Ha!" Hidan roared. "Just you wait. I'll sacrifice him! Jashin will be there to watch over me."

"Will you cut it out with the religious bullshit?"

"Do you want to fucking go? Jashin is not bullshit!"

"Shut up, Hidan," Kakuzu scolded him.

"Kakuzu!" The Jashinist screeched, his tone getting louder and louder, "He just insulted Jashin! Do you expect me to take that lightheartedly?!" His charcoal-haired partner gave him a menacing glare, earning a defeated "Fine, fine." from his partner.

"Wait, did you say you were planning on sacrificing him?" Deidara just realized. The Jashinist gave him a smirk. "Hell yeah I did!" He responded.

"Stupid," Deidara said, crossing his arms. "The plan was to unmask Tobi - that's it, nothing more. Besides, hm, if you were to sacrifice him, you'd just phase right through him."

"So? I kill in the Way of Jashin, and I'll continue to sacrifice people for him. He's always watching over me, granting my prayers, doing everything he can. I'll forevermore continue to -"

"Hidan," Kisame said, slightly irritated, "We don't need to repeatedly hear your religious babbling about your god. We're all tired. Let's all just go and rest for now, wake up tomorrow, and continue with our mission. Okay?"

Everyone but the said man nodded. People just wanted to sleep.

"Wait a fucking second," The magenta-eyed immortal said, gaining some of their attention. "Why the hell are we doing it tomorrow? Why not tonight? I was all fuckin' hyped and shit, and this is what you tell me?"

"Give Tobi a break, he probably got blown up by Deidara." The blue man said.

"Or he could've raped him," Hidan muttered under his breath. The blond arsonist gave him a dangerous glare and scowled.

"It's not like that, hm! I thought out an effective plan. I was smart," – he eyed a certain silver-haired man – "Unlike _some_ people."

"What's that supposed to mean?!

"Hidan, shut up," Kakuzu said once again, this time eyeing the arsonist as well. "No one has time for your incredibly annoying bickering."

Both Hidan and Deidara childishly looked away, crossing their arms and letting out a "Tch." Itachi, who hadn't said anything the entire time, walked out of the Akatsuki hideout quietly. Soon after, Kisame left, too. Followed by Kakuzu, then by Hidan and Deidara.

* * *

The next morning, Hidan made it to the base super early, excited to sacrifice - er - _try_ at Tobi's mask. It sort of shocked the others that he was that invested with this mission. Hell, even Kakuzu was sort of surprised, which was rare.

"So, Hidan, you ready?" Kisame asked him, although he already knew the answer, as it was prominent on Hidan's face.

"Fuck yeah, I'm going to sacri – uh – unmask him, I guarantee it!" He turned to look at the blond bomber, "Just you watch and see how the fucking pro does it, Deidara-chan."

The said arsonist simply rolled his eyes, hoping with all his heart that Hidan would fail, so that he could tease him later. But at the same time, he also wanted Hidan to succeed, so that this entire mission would end, and he would be filled with satisfaction. But if he failed, he would be fine with it. It's an obvious outcome, anyways, from someone like Hidan. If he actually takes off Tobi's mask - Deidara will _freak._

"Okay, okay, we get it, yeah." The blond arsonist said. "Good luck, Hidan, because you'll definitely need it."

"The fuck is that supposed to -." The Jashinist tried to start, but got cut off by Deidara.

"It means _good luck_ , dumbass, hm. Don't make me say it twice, it was hard enough to say it the first time."

"Kakuzu," Kisame said, letting the said man turn to face him. "I have another bet. If Hidan comes back before this evening, I'll give you twenty ryo. If he doesn't, the twenty ryo is mine."

Kakuzu grunted in acceptance, nodding his head slightly. The blue man grinned as his response.

"So it's settled then?" He said.

"Yes." The bounty-hunter answered blatantly. He turned around to glare at Hidan, signaling that he better come back before the sun set, but the Jashinist was nowhere to be seen. He looked at Deidara, as if asking where he was.

"He left while you guys were talking about your bet, yeah," He replied idly. "He's gone."

Kakuzu looked at the ground. That son of a bitch better be back before evening, or else he'd murder someone tonight.

* * *

Hidan looked around, hoping to find the masked man. He couldn't be anywhere that far from the base, could he? He scavenged around the Akatsuki hideout, but couldn't find him anywhere. He tried looking in the forest nearby, but still couldn't find Tobi.

"Where the fuck is he?" Hidan muttered. This was annoying. This was a mission, not a search party. He sat down on the ground, deciding to pray for a while.

"Lord Jashin... watch over me while I do a mission. Help me find that fucking dumbass, too." He murmured, holding his pendant to his lips. He mumbled a few more words under his breath.

Obito knew the immortal had been looking for him. In fact, the entire time Hidan was looking for him, Tobi had been watching him. Not as effectively as Zetsu could, but good enough. Hidan better be worth his time. The masked man thought this game was fun, but last time, Deidara almost grabbed his mask. He promised he wouldn't lower his guard this next time, so here he was. Watching the Jashinist pray, Obito let a sigh escape his lips. Time to put up the act once more.

He quietly activated kamui to teleport behind Hidan. To his surprise, the silver-haired man didn't notice him, too caught up in his praying. Obito frowned. That wasn't good for a shinobi, especially for a member of the Akatsuki. Nevertheless, he ignored it.

He put his hands on Hidan's shoulders and yelled, "Boo!"

The immortal flinched. "Shit!" He cursed loudly, scared out of his wits. He turned around to be met with a swirly orange mask, inches away from his face.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

"I'm scaring you!" Tobi said.

"No shit, you scared the fucking _hell_ out of me!"

"Sorry, Mr. Hidan!" The ravenette shook his arms vigorously in the air, as if scared the Jashinist would hurt him. "Tobi didn't mean to make you mad!"

Hidan scowled. _At least I found him_ , he thought.

He shook off his anger, saying, "So, Tobi, I was thinking we could, uh..." The silver-haired man trailed off, not really knowing what to say. He kept fumbling, trying to look for words.

Looks like he isn't prepared, Obito thought, slightly amused.

"Would Mr. Hidan like to hang out with Tobi?" He offered. Hidan perked up, relieved that Tobi suggested something.

"Hell yeah!" He said, giving a grin that was both forced yet somewhat genuine at the same time. "What would you like to do?"

Tobi put a finger on his chin. "Tobi would like to... to make a bracelet."

Hidan frowned. Bracelets? He had hoped that Tobi would suggest something more gruesome - although he knew that a man-child like him wouldn't say that. If he did what Tobi asked, maybe he would let Hidan see what was under his mask...?

Yeah, he was a genius. **(No, Hidan, you're not.)**

"Sure. Bracelets are fucking awesome." He said, grinning, although his tone suggested otherwise. It sounded incredibly forced.

"Yay! Mr. Hidan, you're awesome!" The ravenette exclaimed.

The Jashinist smirked. "I know I am." He stared at Tobi's eye-hole. "So, how are we making the bracelets?"

"I don't know!" He said happily, putting two hands in the air. Hidan twitched. He couldn't believe this guy. How did he manage to make it into the Akatsuki?

"Oh! Tobi knows now!" He said in the same energetic tone. "We'll use the grass!"

The _grass_? What? How?

"Or we could use flowers." The masked man added.

"I don't give a shit about what we use," Hidan said, although he thought making a bracelet out of human remains was cooler. Maybe a Jashin bracelet would be cool, too. Wait, was Hidan actually considering making a bracelet? Fuck, Tobi was rubbing off of him, wasn't he?

"Since Tobi used flowers with Deidara-senpai last time, I'll use flowers with you, too!" He put his hands together cheerfully.

Hidan snorted. "You used flowers with Deidara?"

"Well, it was more like Tobi made a flower crown for him."

"Really? I bet he looked fucking ridiculous."

"Well, he sort of did," Tobi admitted blatantly. Hidan let out another snort, trying to contain his laughter at the thought of Deidara in a flower crown. Tobi continued, "But Tobi thinks senpai makes a wonderful girl!"

The Jashinist burst out laughing. And just when he thought it couldn't get anymore better, Tobi added, "He even kept it! I was so honoured."

Hidan doubled over, holding his stomach in his hands from laughter. The thought of Deidara wearing a flower crown already got him, but the thought of him keeping it? That was incredibly ridiculous. Who would keep something like that?

"That's fucking hilarious!" Hidan hooted, wiping a tear. He gave Tobi a hard pat on the back. The ravenette winced - that would surely leave a bruise.

Tobi crouched down, picking up a few magneta flowers. There were also various hues of purple. "Mr. Hidan! Why don't you pick some flowers for your bracelet?"

The said man then remembered that all they were doing was making _bracelets_. He sighed.

"Fine," He answered, leaning down. He ripped some nearby flowers harshly, resulting in all the flowers being in uneven lengths and crooked. Some even lost a few petals.

"Mr. Hidan!" Tobi cried, "Be careful with the flowers!"

"Why? They're fucking flowers. It's not like they're important."

"You can't hurt the flowers!"

"What are they, living creatures?"

"They have lives!"

"I don't give a shit."

It went quiet. Tobi carefully started to weave a bracelet, his hands moving swiftly as he knotted and tied each flower together. Hidan, on the other hand, was struggling to a great extent. His bracelet was all ripped and messy, the flowers all dull and wilted from his rough hands.

Losing all patience, Hidan threw the bracelet on the ground. He waited for Tobi to finish his. While the masked man worked on his creation, he hummed, making the immortal even more irritated.

At first, Hidan's fingers kept tapping on his knee. Then, his started to tap one of his feet. His eye constantly twitched, trying to stay composed.

All of a sudden, he got up and yelled, "This is fucking boring!"

Tobi mirrored his actions and got up as well, a completed flower bracelet in his hands. "What would you like to do then, Mr. Hidan?"

"I want to sacrifice someone! Anyone would do, as long as I kill for Jashin," He said, pulling out his scythe. He eyed Tobi.

The ravenette took the hint, screaming, "No!" He dragged on the vowel as he began bolting. "Don't kill Tobi, Tobi is a good boy!"

"C'mere, Tobi, I'm sure Lord Jashin will love you!" Hidan yelled, chasing after Tobi.

"Uwahh!" Tobi dragged the 'a', running as fast as his feet could take him.

Sooner or later, Hidan stopped, too tired to keep running. Tobi was probably miles away from him by now. Weirdly enough, Tobi didn't show any signs of fatigue or slowing down. The silver-haired immortal was panting, his stamina running low. He wondered how Tobi could run that fast and for that long. Hell, he was probably still running.

A strange thought crossed his mind. Hidan considered himself quite fit - he had a well-built body. He had a ton of stamina, yet, he couldn't outrun Tobi, and neither could he catch up to him. Hidan's eyebrows cocked downwards. Does that mean Tobi has as much stamina as he did? But the ravenette outran him, so that means Tobi has much more. Wait, what? A guy like _that_ could have more stamina than him? So that means Tobi could be as equally fit. But that's impossible! When and how could Tobi have gained all of that? He never did anything, not even fight – or, well, that's what he gets from Deidara.

The Jashinist shook his head. These thoughts were weird. Plus, there was no way that could be true. Oh, shit, is he actually thinking?! He's getting way too into this.

...

The truth is, Tobi never outran Hidan, though he could have if he wanted to. Obito watched Hidan from a tree. Once he started running, he made sure the immortal couldn't see him anymore. From there, he stayed hidden in the trees, running alongside the man until he stopped. Hidan had a lot of stamina, and he could run fairly fast, so he had to be quick with his actions.

He hopped onto a tree branch when he knew Hidan would stop soon - it was clear that he would. His breathing got heavier, and his started to sweat more. He stopped right where Obito predicted he would. He stayed quiet for a while – Obito took it as him trying to catch his breath.

"Fuck..." He heard the Jashinist mutter, putting his hands on his knees and bending his head down. "Where the fuck did that bastard go?"

Obito activated kamui, appearing behind Hidan. "Boo!" He yelled, in the same tone he used to scare him earlier. Hidan jumped.

"Will you stop fucking scaring me?!" The immortal screamed, his voice cracking. Tobi giggled - a part of it was part of the act, yet some of it was real. Yes, Obito could genuinely giggle. Don't ask.

"Where the hell did you even come from?!"

"That's a secret~!" Tobi sing-songed, waving two fingers to his tune.

Another scowl escaped Hidan's lips. It was just like the first time! How was Tobi doing this? How was it possible that Hidan never sensed Tobi's presence? It was like he was appearing out of thin air. It was like... what was that word again?

Teleportation?

"Fucking ridiculous," Hidan said out loud, a distorted grin on his face. Tobi looked at him weirdly, and the Jashinist had just realized he had subconsciously spoken.

"Mr. Hidan? Are you okay?" The ravenette asked him, concern laced in his tone. Said man gave a subtle wave, saying, "Yeah, just thought of something funny."

The Jashinist chuckled after what he said. Tobi having _teleportation_? That's probably one of the most ludicrous things he had ever thought of. He didn't even believe Deidara when he said you could phase through him. Wait, now that he thought about it, was that even true? It couldn't be, could it? But earlier, Hidan gave him a pat on the back, and he could feel Tobi being physically there.

Wait. If you can phase through someone, can you still touch them?

Wait, huh?

Wait...

...What was he thinking of again?

Hidan shook his head. Whatever, it's not like whatever he thought of – before he forgot about it – was important.

"What were you thinking of, Mr. Hidan?" The man with the swirly, orange mask asked him curiously.

"I had the strangest fucking thought – that you could teleport," The Jashinist snorted at his own words, not noticing the other man twitch.

Tobi gave out a nervous laugh. "Haha, funny how the imagination works, right? Tobi thinks that's hilarious!" Hidan grinned, and started to walk. "C'mon, Tobi," He said, gesturing the man to follow him. "Let's go have some fucking fun!"

"Okay!" Tobi said cheerfully, skipping towards the immortal.

* * *

It was noon.

Hidan and Tobi were currently spying on a little camp out in the forest. The Jashinist decided that he wanted to sacrifice someone today, and if he couldn't sacrifice Tobi, he'd find someone else to sacrifice. So, after searching for a bit, they had finally found someone. They hid in nearby bushes, peeking ever so often.

"Oi, Tobi," Hidan whispered. "Try to go around... I wanna see how many people there are."

"Okay, Mr. Hidan!" Tobi whispered back. The masked man then traveled from bush to bush, loud ruffles coming from his movements. The camper turned in Tobi's direction, where he was currently hiding behind a bush. Hidan mentally cringed. To his dismay, the camper – a brunette – decided to walk towards the bush.

"Hello? Is someone there?" The brunette said, her voice being soft and sweet. Tobi popped out of the bush, making her jump.

"Hi!" He said cheerfully, waving. "My name is Tobi, and I'm a good boy!"

She – not surprisingly – shrieked. Hidan knew he had to kill her now. If he didn't it might attract other people and cause a commotion. He jumped out of his bush and hooted, a gigantic grin on his face. "Lord Jashin will love you!" He said before rapidly swinging his scythe toward her. The brunette jumped back onto a tree branch, but Hidan had already cut a part of her elbow with his weapon.

 _"_ Are you a shinobi?" He said, pointing his scythe at her. She didn't say anything, merely furrowing her brows. "Guess you're not one to talk, huh? That's fine, but you've just missed your fucking chance to say some last words, bitch."

Stabbing his hand, and letting the blood drip onto the ground, Hidan drew the symbol of Jashin onto the ground – a circle with a single triangle inside. He took his weapon and licked the top of his scythe, where the girl's blood had been. His appearance then turned to that of a Grim-Reaper – black, with some white lines on his chest, some of his face containing white, too.

The girl had a horrified expression on her face. The Jashinist gave out a maniacal laugh, his pupils contracting. "Die...!" He yelled deliriously, as he stabbed himself right in the chest.

The girl's face contorted into that of being pained, clutching her chest. A few seconds later, she dropped onto the ground, dead. Hidan's skin went back to normal, a smile on his face. "Lord Jashin!" He yelled, tilting his head back and smiling. "Did you see that?"

He heard a ruffle of leaves from nearby. He turned his head, seeing Tobi, still in his bush. "M-Mr. Hidan... you're scary!" He cried.

Hidan's eyes widened as he realized something. What if... what if he performed his ritual on Tobi? And while Tobi agonized in pain, he could take off his mask! The immortal grinned, proud of himself. God, he was a genius.

Oh, shit, he had forgotten that you could phase through Tobi. Well, at least this would prove if you could _always_ phase through him.

...Right?

At least he had an excuse.

"Tobi! Wasn't I cool? That bitch didn't stand a chance." He said, grinning cockily.

"You were amazing, Mr. Hidan!" Tobi said. He added, "But you're also very creepy. You make very disturbing faces sometimes."

"So? Everyone makes disturbing faces. I'm sure you've done that too, bastard."

Obito _had_. Although his facial expressions were mostly laced with hate these days, there was a time he had other emotions too. There was this one time he made a weird face. It was that time he kissed that picture of... Rin...

The Uchiha shook his head. Just the thought of Rin pained him. A picture of her smiling face flashed in his mind. Oh, how he missed her.

"I'm always watching you..." Tobi murmured quietly. That was a line she had always told to his younger self - a naive boy with too many fantasies of becoming Hokage in his head. He was no longer what he once was.

"Now you're being the creepy one," Hidan said, weirded out by what Tobi murmured. The masked man scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Ahah, you heard that? Sorry about that, Tobi was just trying to see what it was like to act creepy."

"Well, I mean, you succeeded in doing so," The Jashinist said, putting two hands on the back of his head and closing his eyes. "Is your 'senpai' rubbing off of you? He was spacing out and being fucking creepy yesterday, too."

 _Ah, shit. Deidara must've realized something,_ Obito thought.

"Hey, hey, Tobi," Hidan said, "Wanna play a game I have?"

As soon as Hidan said the word 'game', he had made himself intangible _. Another game?_ Obito thought. Deidara already played a 'game' with him yesterday. Was this a new trend now? Was this supposed to be a signal that Hidan would attack him soon?

Nevertheless, Tobi answered with a cheerful, "Sure! Tobi loves to play games!"

"Fuck yeah," Hidan said. "The game is, uh... to close your eyes and count to ten."

Yep, Hidan was probably going to swing his scythe at him. The Jashinist's style was so predictable. Also, what was it with the games?

The immortal thought about Deidara's words yesterday. So you could phase through Tobi, but was he always like that? Or could he phase through things whenever he wanted to? He couldn't _always_ be like that. He had patted Tobi on the back earlier, and could feel him being physically there. Or was there, like, a time limit to it, at least? What kind of jutsu would let Tobi be like that?

Hidan decided that he wanted to experiment this. It wasn't like him to do this, or to think so much, but he desperately wanted to brag in Deidara's face after this. Plus – he admits – he wants to see Tobi's face.

He decided to make a bet with himself. He frowned when he realized that was what his partner would do. Whatever, he'd still do it anyways.

"Oi, Tobi, I heard you could phase through things." Hidan said, idly. He didn't really believe it, but he doesn't think Deidara is _that_ messed up to make up something like that. Sure, it was the craziest thing he'd heard, but maybe – just maybe – it could be true.

Obito already knew the other man knew this - there was no way he could lie about it now. Tobi nodded vigorously. "Yes, Tobi can! Don't you think that's super cool?"

"Sure," Hidan said, intrigued. What he _really_ wanted to do was stick his hand though him. He wanted to try it out. "Can I test it?" If Hidan could put his hand through Tobi, then that would mean he could make himself intangible whenever he wanted.

Obito made the mistake of nodding eagerly. The silver-haired man didn't miss a beat, harshly shoving his arm through Tobi – who was currently intangible. Obito shuddered at how rough it was. It felt weird.

"Cool!" Hidan practically yelled, almost resembling a little kid who had learned something new. He yanked his hand back out. So that meant Tobi could become like that anytime he wanted to, right? So that was two of his questions answered. What about time limits, then? Could Tobi have a time limit to that?

"Hey, hey, Tobi, can you stay like that all the time?"

"Stay like what, Mr. Hidan?"

"Like... intangible."

Yeah, Obito couldn't tell him that. No way.

"I dunno!" Tobi answered cheerfully.

Hidan pondered about this for a while. Time limits… time limits? That was stupid. But there would always be a catch to a jutsu like that, right? Or would there? Ugh, this was a waste of his time. He couldn't even believe he was actually spending seconds of his life thinking about Tobi's power. Tobi doesn't have a power, right? All he has is intangibility, which barely does anything! Tobi had a good defense – so what? If Tobi had made himself intangible when Hidan put his hand through him that would mean that he wasn't like that anymore, right?

He realized he had been quiet, lost in thought, when Tobi waved a hand in front of his face "Um, hello? Earth to Mr. Hidan! Why are you so quiet? That's so rare!"

The Jashinist smacked the hand Tobi was waving in front of his face. "I'm fine. Now, what're you fucking waiting for? Let's play this fucking game already!"

Tobi knew Hidan would try to attack him, right from the moment that Hidan said the word "play." So, as soon as he said that, he made himself intangible, which was about three to four minutes ago. Ten seconds were nothing, so he had time. He smiled, before saying, "Okay! I'll be closing my eyes... Right... Now!"

"Now count." Hidan ordered, pulling out his scythe.

"One... two... three..."

Hidan clutched his scythe, and swung. Obito knew, as he could feel it going through him. He was glad he had made himself intangible.

The Jashinist blinked. Was he still intangible? He shook his head. He was probably just making himself that way for now.

"Four... five... six..."

Hidan was still swinging back and forth, his scythe going through Tobi horizontally.

"Seven... eight... nine..."

"You're almost done, Tobi," Hidan said. He didn't stop swinging – Obito could feel the scythe going through him over and over again.

"What...?" Tobi said, his enthusiasm faltering.

The ravenette could hear the other man's smirk. "Just keep fucking counting. You're almost at ten."

"Okay!" Tobi said happily, putting two hands together. "Ten!"

As soon as Tobi counted to ten, Hidan stopped. The masked man waited for a few seconds, before turning around and asking, "Was that the game, Mr. Hidan?"

"Yep. That was the funnest fucking thing ever, right? I'm the best at making games up!" He said, giving Tobi a pat on the back. "C'mon, let's go back to the Akatsuki base."

By now, Obito was no longer intangible. So he did that all for nothing? Hidan didn't have a better plan? Shame.

The man with the swirly mask skipped in front of him, humming lightly. Hidan grinned. An element of surprise would surely get him.

He quietly pulled out his scythe – it was hard, but he managed – and steadily held it. He rapidly swung at Tobi in a vertical direction from behind. Obito tensed, sensing it.

 _Fuck, how was he able to know?_ Obito thought, gritting his teeth. The Uchiha tried to dodge the attack, but it was too late. The scythe had already glazed his shoulder.

Hidan mentally praised himself. "Lord Jashin, this is not a sacrifice, but watch over me as I complete this mission!" He stabbed his hand once more, same hand from earlier, and let the blood drip onto the ground. With his feet, he drew the symbol of Jashin once more. He licked the blood he had on his scythe, his skin turning back into black and white.

Obito noticed how much more disoriented and delirious Hidan looked. This guy was _freaky._ Panic quickly spread through Tobi's body. He knew he was trapped. Was this it for him?

He could activate Kamui - no, wait, he couldn't do that. Did he really wanna risk the others knowing that? They already knew enough - like his ability to become intangible. And from what he knew, Hidan might know something about his limit. If they found out he could teleport too, what else could they do? What other things might they realize? It wasn't worth the risk. Plus, he needed them to think of him of an idiot - a loud moron who didn't seem good at anything. And he needed it to stay like that.

Hidan stabbed himself in the stomach, causing Obito's face to contort in pain. He bent over, clutching his stomach, giving out a loud, "Itatataa... ow!" He was hurting more than a simple 'Ow', but managed to keep up the act. Meanwhile, Hidan's face contorted in pleasure. "It was nice knowing you, Tobi," He laughed maniacally. "But now it's time to see the _real_ you!"

"Mr. Hidan... I knew it! Mr. Hidan is very mean! Just like Deidara-senpai! All you want to know is what Tobi looks like!" The masked man screeched, his shrilly tone hurting Hidan's ears.

Obito tried to inch away from Hidan's hands, which were nearing his mask. To make sure he wouldn't move anymore, Hidan stabbed himself in the shoulder, too, causing Obito even more pain.

The ravenette felt fingertip slowly sliding his mask off. All the Jashinist could see so far was black.

And then, there was a loud ruffle in the trees. Hidan looked up, seeing a ginormous bird come out of hiding and fly over the two. "What the actual f –."

He got cut off as the bird took a gigantic shit in his mouth.

Immediately, an expression of disgust washed over Hidan's face. His skin turned back to normal, distracting him from his ritual and letting Tobi run.

Damn, was nature on Obito's side today?

A few minutes later - after various attempts to cleanse his tongue and teeth - Hidan spat on the ground. He let out a long "Fuck", dragging the vowel for a good few seconds. He couldn't believe this.

He had _failed._ The Jashinist groaned. He would get a shit ton of teasing from Deidara later.

Plus, all that he had managed to do was learn more about Tobi's intangibility.

Oh, wait, he had managed to learn more about Tobi's intangibility! More than Deidara did!

His lips curled into a smile. At least he had that.

* * *

Obito ran as fast as he could before stopping. Wow. _Wow._

He had to admit, he had hid his laughter when seeing that bird's feces in Hidan's mouth. He let out a low chuckle. The image would haunt him for days.

Still, he couldn't believe it. Had Hidan actually found out about his time limit? How? He gave no hints to that. How would he even know?

Obito frowned. The Akatsuki members were catching on faster than he thought they would.

Little to Obito's knowledge, Hidan and the rest of the Akatsuki had no idea about this.

* * *

The immortal came back before evening, a bit mentally tired but overall okay.

"So, hm, did you find anything out?" The arsonist said, expecting Hidan to shake his head in defeat.

Instead, he grinned widely. "I actually fucking did! I found out that Tobi can't stay intangible all the time."

Deidara's jaw slackened. He couldn't believe it. This - this absolute _moron_... this _bastard_ , accomplished more than him?

Were you fucking kidding him right now?

"How did you even find out about that?" Deidara asked, mentally raging. At least Hidan failed, Deidara thought, trying to make himself feel better.

"Well, I did some experimenting." Hidan said, closing his eyes with a smug smirk on his face, "And I thought some stuff through."

The Jashinist knew that what he was saying was _partially_ a lie – he wanted to seem smart, okay?

Deidara snorted. "What? _You_? _Thinking?_ That's a lie."

"No, it's not!" Hidan yelled. It actually wasn't a lie, but he knew the arsonist wouldn't buy it. "At least I did a better job that you, bastard."

The artist frowned. "Tell me exactly how you did a better job than me."

"Didn't I say earlier? I found out that he couldn't remain intangible all the time. Use your fucking ears."

"Kisame," Kakuzu said, turning to the said man. "Pay up."

The shark-like man sighed. He dug into his pockets, pulling out a twenty dollar bill and handing it over to Kakuzu. The charcoal-haired man took it.

"How'd you find out, Hidan?" Kisame asked, turning towards the silver-haired man.

"I performed my ritual on him, and almost slipped off his mask –." Hidan answered, but got cut off by Deidara.

" _Almost?_ " He said, giving a sly smirk.

"Well, yeah. I got him fucking trapped – he couldn't go anywhere. I stabbed myself a few times – felt fucking great – and while Tobi agonized in pain, I tried sliding his mask off. That motherfucker ran away though, because a bird –."

The Jashinist's eyes dropped, a look of depression washing over his face as he remembered the disgusting pile of shit that had landed in his mouth.

"Because a bird…?" Kisame said, wanting Hidan to continue. Both he and Deidara had smiles on their faces.

Hidan murmured something under his breath, but no one could decipher it. "Louder, hm!" The blond bomber said.

"A bird took a big ass shit and it landed in my mouth," Hidan muttered, his voice barely audible. His expression was a mix of being revolted by the thought and embarrassment.

The entire room went quiet, but didn't stay in the state for long. Deidara and Kisame were first to break the silence, bursting into laughter and doubling over with tears in their eyes. Although no one could see it, the corners of Kakuzu's mouth lifted up. Itachi kept a poker face on, but he was actually just trying to hide a smile.

Hidan's face went red. He knew he shouldn't have said anything.

"Kami," Deidara managed to say, laughing uncontrollably. "That is the funniest thing I have ever heard today!"

"How did it taste?" Kisame said, wiping a tear of joy. Hidan scowled.

"Enough of this nonsense," Itachi said, his usual flat voice breaking the atmosphere, although he was enjoying the moment. "So, you failed, Hidan?"

"Do you want to fucking go, you damn Uchiha? So what if I failed! I got information, at least! You have no fucking right to judge me – you haven't even done anything yet!"

Itachi looked at him, his Sharingan activated, blood red meeting magenta. "Tell us everything you know."

"Fucking bastard, I already have! All I've learnt is that you can't always phase through Tobi. He has the ability to become like that whenever he fucking wants." Hidan turned towards Deidara, whose laughs had grown quieter. "And you! Stop laughing, motherfucker! I found out more than you did!"

Deidara's grin didn't falter. "At least I didn't eat a pile of shit."

By now, Kakuzu started to give little snorts, Kisame was on the floor, Itachi's turned around, as he couldn't hide his smile, and Deidara's laugh getting louder and louder every time he thought about a bird taking a shit in Hidan's mouth.

Hidan flushed with anger and embarrassment. He hoped they'd all die.

He _really_ shouldn't have said anything.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey! I said I would update last week, but some family stuff had been going on and I couldn't find the time to update, much less write. I hope you understand! This one was quite a long one. 6.2k words! Wow, never written that much before.**

 **Hope you enjoyed! Tell me who you want to go next! I was maybe thinking Kisame? Anyways, I hope you stick on for the next update!**

 **Cya!**

 **-MK**


	4. Chapter Four: Kisame

After several minutes of dying on the floor, Deidara and Kisame's laughter finally faltered into large grins. Kakuzu and Itachi went back to their neutral states. "Will you guys just stop laughing already?" Hidan said dejectedly.

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Deidara said, still grinning. "So," he said quite cheerfully, satisfied with the information that came back. "Who'll go next?" The artist looked at the others, "Kakuzu? Itachi? Kisame?"

"I'll go next," Kisame said, giving a toothy smile. "I don't really plan on attacking the poor guy, but I'll get whatever I can out of him."

"Kisame, I think you may need to use Samehada at some point, yeah."

Kisame chuckled at that, causing Deidara to frown. The male must've thought he was joking. "I'm sure I'll do fine, Deidara." Kisame said. His gaze landed onto his partner, Itachi. "I don't know whether I should go tomorrow or today. What do you think, 'tachi?"

"I don't care whether you go tomorrow or today. Just go and get this over with." The Uchiha answered monotonously. It always impressed Kisame at how stoic Itachi was.

Deidara rolled his eyes and scowled. "I see you're very helpful."

"I think I may go tonight," Kisame said. "I'm in a good mood, and Tobi must be tired, making it easier for me to take off his mask. Besides, I can probably do it quickly." He turned to face Deidara, who was giving him a somewhat menacing look. "Not that it means anything." He hastily added.

Deidara shrugged, "Whenever you feel like it, I guess, hm."

At that, Kisame grinned. He turned around to see a defeated and depressed Jashinst, sitting lazily on the ground. "Hey, Hidan, why the gloomy face?"

Hidan looked up and glared. "You know exactly the fuck why!" He yelled, seeing a grin appear on Deidara's face as well. "You're all bastards, I tell you. _Bastards._ "

"Woah, Hidan, calm down. You have such a potty mouth." Deidara said, his grin spreading.

"And today, you _literally_ had one," Kisame added, and both of them snorted. They looked at each other for a few seconds, then burst out laughing.

Hidan flushed — the last few days was the most times he's ever done so — and crossed his arms, letting out a petulant whine. "Kakuzu, why aren't you doing anything? Beat them up or something!"

Kakuzu gave an inward eye roll, ignoring his partner's cries. "Kakuzu!" Hidan screamed once more. "Oi, old fucking man! Answer me! Don't ignore me!"

"I swear, I'll kill you one day," Kakuzu muttered, sick of his partner's grating voice. "Shut up."

Hidan groaned. He was tired of everyone. Everyone was tired of him. People were _tired._ All Hidan wanted was to take off Tobi's mask… and to tease Deidara when he did. And what did he get? _This._

Hidan made an incredibly sad face, puppy eyes and all, and Deidara found that hilarious. Itachi saw the face, and felt a little bad, but he admitted that the situation was funny. His face reminded him of Sasuke, whenever he would point his forehead and tell him, "Maybe next time."

"Okay, okay, hm, we'll stop laughing!" The bomber chuckled.

"That's what you said earlier," The Jashinist muttered. He kept sulking, and Deidara bit back a snort. Kami, he thought. Hidan is such a child!

After a beat, the arsonist let out a lengthy exhale. When he was done, his face was still, and Deidara tried to make it as neutral as he could muster. Kisame knew Deidara was doing that through sheer will power.

"Are you sure you want to go tonight, Kisame?" Deidara said, trying to act normal, and hiding back more snorts with every glance at the big, religious baby giving petulant cries on the floor. "Maybe you should rest, hm."

"No, no, it's fine, Deidara. All of you don't have to wait for me, I'll go and tell you the results tomorrow." The said man replied. He grinned, letting all his pointy teeth show. "I'll be off. Samehada and I are going to have some fun, although I probably won't use him."

"Good luck, yeah," Deidara said before waving. Kakuzu sat down and counted his money, Hidan was still depressed, and Itachi stared at the ground.

Kisame would probably be back by midnight. It was only seven in the evening, after all.

* * *

Obito sat in one of the trees. If the Akatsuki were smart, they'd send someone after him at this time, because they'd think he was tired.

He was.

He nearly got sacrificed today, what would one expect? And then after that whole thing, he had a meeting with Pein and Konan.

He frowned as he was reminded that the group of S-rank nin had found out more on his abilities. They barely scratched the surface of Obito, but it was still a little too much for his comfort. That bothered him. And he hated how Hidan, of all people, could find out about his time limit. That completely and utterly confused him. How did he find out, when Obito gave no hints to his time limit at all? How could someone like Hidan find that out? It was a mystery to him.

Nevertheless, he probably knew. They _all_ do, now, if Hidan told them.

Obito's weight shifted, causing a light ruffle in the branch's leaves. He sighed. This game was fun and all, but he was getting tired at the Akatsuki's useless attempts. How many people were left? Three? Obito guessed he'd just go to whoever's next first. He promised to himself nothing would slip up. Nothing else would be revealed — no one would find out anything else about him.

He activated Kamui to teleport to one of the nearby forests surrounding the base.

* * *

Kisame walked out of the base, trying to find Zetsu. He believed that Zetsu was his best chance at finding Tobi. He walked two steps, then heard a ruffle in the nearby bushes. He reached for his sword's hilt and grasped his strong hands onto it. "Who's there?" He called out, but his question was answered when he saw a glint of orange, illuminated with the dusk sky's now fading lights.

"Oh, hey, Tobi," Kisame said with a grin, letting his shoulders relax and letting go of Samehada. Tobi let his mask hole peep out from the bush. He put a finger to his lips. Or, well, his mask.

"Shh! You can't see me!" The masked man whisper-shouted, and Kisame chuckled. "Alright," He agreed. He looked around, pretending to be scared. "Who's there?" He asked once more, but with a grin.

"Boo!" Tobi shouted, popping out of his bush. Kisame gasped, feigning surprise. "Did I scare you, Mr. Kisame?" Tobi asked eagerly.

"Yes, Tobi, you did." Kisame joked, and Tobi looked elated. He jumped out of his bush and struck a pose. "I am Tobi, the master at scaring people!" He then proceeded to put a finger to his mask, as if deep in thought. "You know," He said in a matter-of-factly tone. "Tobi also scared Mr. Hidan a lot yesterday, too!"

Kisame bit back a small snort. "Really? How many times?"

"Three," Was the reply, and Kisame couldn't help but give out low chuckles. "So, what were you doing out here, Tobi?" He asked.

"Tobi was looking for Mr. Zetsu to play!" Was his answer. "But then I saw someone coming out of the base and decided to hide behind a bush." He explained in a matter-of-factly tone. He shifted his body onto one foot and leaned sideways to look behind Kisame, "Who's that?" He asked curiously.

Kisame turned around to see a figure looming in the shadows, walking towards them. Hands reached for the sword hilt once more, but he immediately faltered in his actions and grinned when he saw that it was no other than the blonde arsonist, Deidara.

"Deidara," said Kisame, "What're you doing out here?"

"Just decided to take a walk, yeah," said man replied casually. He gestured at the clay he was holding with a small grin, "I also wanted to try and experiment with my clay." His eyes dawned onto a neon orange mask, its holder waving his hand vigorously.

"Hi, senpai!" Tobi greeted with glee. Deidara sighed, "Hey," He greeted back, but not with the same grin he gave Kisame. He then shifted his gaze back onto Kisame, "May I join you guys?" He offered.

"Mr. Kisame, will you please, _please_ , let Deidara-senpai join?" The masked man begged him, putting his hands together in a prayer-like position.

Kisame gave a side smile, and the artist rolled his eyes. "Alright, he can join us." Kisame said. To this, Tobi fell onto his knees, and started to sob. "Thank you, Mr. Kisame!" He looked up at him, a glimmer in his eye-hole. He sniffed loudly, wiping a finger under his mask-hole, as if wiping a tear, even though none were there.

Deidara tried his hardest not to face palm, but Kisame just gave a little smile, somewhat concerned. He turned towards Deidara, "Let's go grab a bite. Maybe later you can show me that clay stuff you planned on experimenting."

The arsonist gave another grin, same one from earlier when he greeted the man. "Let's," He agreed.

Tobi clapped his hands excitedly and started to jump and down, screaming, "Hooray!" He then proceeded to skip away happily down the forest's path. Deidara sighed and looked at Kisame with drooping eyelids. All Kisame could do was grin at the expression as they began to trail after him.

As soon as Tobi skipped away, the arsonist made sure that there was enough distance between both him, Kisame, and the masked man. Once he was certain Tobi probably couldn't hear him, as he had skipped ahead, he got closer to Kisame and bowed his head, murmuring under his breath, "So, what's your plan going to be?"

Kisame gave him a little smile, "Not sure yet, but I'm sure I'll think of one soon." Deidara frowned at that, but chose to stay quiet and shrug. It all depended on Kisame, as he – though he fails to admit it – was unsuccessful at taking off the man's mask. The more people failed, the less of a chance that he'll ever have his satisfaction fulfilled, which upset him. Deidara did not like mysteries.

"What did you do when it was your turn?" Kisame asked, turning to Deidara. The smaller man looked up, a bit surprised at the question. "Well," he started, trying to recall the memory, as it was a few days ago, "I tried to trick him by saying we were going to play a game, yeah." the arsonist smiled when he began to remember the other details, "I put minefields in the area we were 'playing' in," he put two fingers up and down to quote the word, "and made a clay bird, hm, then I flew up and blew him up."

Kisame chuckled at that, "Did you really think that would've taken his mask off, Deidara?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly my intention, yeah. I blew up the area so that I could hide in the aftermath of the explosions – you know, the dust." He explained, beginning to mold his clay, "and when he was confused, I swooped down and tried to take off his mask."

"But then you couldn't, because your arm went through him, right?"

"Yeah," Deidara frowned, "For years, I've been his partner, yet I never knew he had that ability, hm." He looked down, his usually clear eyes somewhat cloudy, "And then Hidan said that he could actually have the ability to activate that – that…" He paused, trying to look for the correct words. His eyes brightened when he found it, "Intangibility."

"Thanks," Kisame gave a toothy grin. "Having the information refreshed in my head really helps." At that, Deidara smiled and returned to his clay.

They walked around for a while, Tobi humming soundly as Deidara played with his clay and Kisame observed the soon-to-be night skies. "So, where are we going, Mr. Kisame and Deidara-senpai?" Tobi asked, turning around but continuing to skip.

 _How the fuck is he skipping backwards?_ Deidara pondered, his eyes narrowing. He made a weird face, one mixed with irritation and confusion. Nevertheless, he answered with an idle, "To a space where I can practice. I was looking for a clear area, be on the lookout, Tobi."

Tobi nodded vigorously and turned back around. Almost immediately after, he yelled, "There's one!" with a pointed finger. The artist turned towards the direction he was pointing at, but Tobi's definition of a 'clear space' was a mere gap in the forest's trees. He was about to snap back, saying that Tobi was an idiot and that what he meant was an actual clear area, when the man struck again. "And there!" Tobi said, whipping around and pointing at another area in the trees. "And there, and there, and th –"

"Never mind, Tobi, it's okay." Deidara said with a forced smile, but the masked-man refused to stop, saying, "No! Tobi wants to help his senpai!" Deidara kept trying to convince him that it was okay, and the two went back and forth. The more Tobi spoke, the more irritated Deidara got. By the fourth time, he was about to snap. He could hear Kisame's soft chuckles in the background, and didn't want to lose his cool in front of him, so he inwardly raged and kept to himself. They soon came to a halt, to a large area in the forest, and Deidara said, "Here. This is where I'll practice with my clay, yeah." To this, Kisame frowned.

"But I thought you said you wanted a clear space?" To that, the arsonist grinned, blue eyes illuminating the dark, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I realized there's no need, hm. I'll have one soon enough."

And with that, he took out his clay and started to mold them into tiny balls. He threw them into the air, spreading them around the area. His grinned broadened as he put his hands together and yelled, "Katsu!"

This lead to there being a decent amount of space for then to settle down in, and a decent amount for Deidara to practice with. Although Deidara would've preferred a much bigger bomb for larger amounts of areas, it was night, so it wasn't really his first priority at the moment. He would just be practicing with tiny bombs tonight, as bigger ones may attract people to them. Not that he and Kisame couldn't fight off whoever came, but this was just in case.

"Oh," Deidara smiled, dragging the vowel as he got an idea. "Kisame," He turned towards the man, "Can you help me with your water clones?"

"How so?" Was Kisame's answer.

"Oh, oh!" Said Tobi, jumping up and down, "Can Tobi help, too? Tobi would love to help his senpai!" To that, the arsonist rolled his eyes with a scowl. "No, Tobi, it's fine. Just sit there and be quiet." He turned back to Kisame, "Try making a water clone. I want to put one of my bombs into it and see what happens."

Kisame grinned, "Alright."

Tobi watched as the two had fun and experimented, the sun getting low. Kisame laughed when the bomb blew the water clone apart and splashed into both their faces. Deidara didn't look too happy, but he snorted at it. It went back and forth for a while, Tobi staying quiet as Deidara told him to. It wasn't that hard – at this point, Obito was just naturally quiet.

"Tobi," Deidara said several minutes later, still experimenting with Kisame. "Why're you so quiet, hm?" He said while grinning, as he had been having fun with Kisame. His smile faltered when Tobi didn't answer, "Hey, I told you that you could be quiet, but not _too_ quiet. Are you trying to be cool?"

When Tobi still didn't answer, Deidara frowned. He stopped what he was doing with Kisame and walked up to the masked man, who was sitting down, not saying a word. "Oi," He said, shaking his shoulder. He took note that Tobi wasn't intangible at the moment, and continued, "Are you okay?"

A loud snore came from under the mask, and Tobi murmured, "No, senpai, don't touch that…!" Deidara's face contorted into that of irritated and disgusted. Who the hell sleeps while sitting? He sighed and turned back to Kisame, saying, "He's asleep."

Kisame's mouth twisted into a toothy grin. "If he's asleep," He started, "Then we can take his mask off."

Deidara's eyes brightened. And the fact that Tobi wasn't intangible at the moment made it all the more better. "Kisame, yeah," Deidara grinned, "You are a fucking _genius_!"

To that, Kisame chuckled. "What're you waiting for, then?" To that, Deidara lit up, but he faltered when he realized that it was probably Kisame who should take off Tobi's mask. "You should do it, hm. I already had my turn."

"Nah, it's fine," Kisame said with a smile, "You should do the honours. You're the one who made this mission, after all." He chuckled, "Plus, I think you're the most curious out of all of us."

Deidara grinned and thanked him, before walking up to the man and bending down to take his mask off. Obito opened an eye, although he had already heard the entire conversation. They were fools to think he was actually asleep. But, then again, he was Tobi, so… anyways, bottomline is that he heard the entire conversation. The Uchiha gave a small smile, watching the scene play out. Deidara was reaching for his mask, and Obito could sense the anticipation. He activated his intangibility as soon as he saw Deidara's fingers reach for him. When he saw Deidara's face as his hand went through him, Obito couldn't hold back his snort. He looked so shocked and disappointed, Obito couldn't help it.

"Pfft –" Was what came out of the Uchiha's lips. Deidara face twisted into that of confusion and rage. "Tobi," He said with clenched teeth, "Were you awake the entire time?"

"Y-yeah," Tobi stuttered, trying to hold back his laughter, "Sorry, senpai!"

"I'll kill you, hm!" Deidara yelled, and blew the masked man up.

"Uwaah!" Tobi yelled as flew across the air.

Kisame sighed, but grinned. "You're too hard on him sometimes, Deidara." The arsonist dusted off his hands and casually answered, "He'll come back, don't worry."

And, of course, the man had come back shortly after. Deidara had wiped invisible tears off of his face, as his peace hadn't lasted for long. Sooner or later, he decided to leave for the two and practice on his own. Kisame and Tobi waved him a goodbye, and Deidara walked off.

The remaining two continued to walk for a while, and the sky got darker and darker each few minutes. Obito was tired, yes, but was still able to manage keeping up his act.

"Mr. Kisame," Tobi asked while skipping, "Why did you come to hang out with Tobi tonight?"

Kisame looked at the smaller man and answered with a toothy grin, "Well, I never actually wanted to hang out with you tonight. I just found you outside the base. Deidara tagged along, so it all just kind of happened."

Yeah, right, Obito thought, but Tobi accepted the answer by nodding. "I see," Said Tobi casually. He then asked, "Ne, Mr. Kisame, what time is it?" To that, Kisame looked at the sky, which was now getting dark, only an incredibly small portion of the sun showing, the light's orange, red, and yellow fading into dark blue with hints of purple, the air beginning to turn cooler. "Maybe around eight," Kisame answered for him after a little while.

"Aren't you tired, Mr. Kisame?" Tobi asked again. Kisame shook his head and casually protruded his lip, "No, not really. You?"

"Tobi is rarely ever tired," Was the masked man's answer. He wanted to add, "Now is one of those rare times where I am," But stayed quiet. Kisame chuckled at that, saying, "Not that surprising. You always seem to be hyper."

"That's because Tobi's always high on sugar."

Kisame snorted at the reply, and continued to walk. They decided to stop by a place in the forest, and Tobi wanted a fire because he was getting cold, so Kisame went to go and grab some sticks. By the time he got back, he was carrying heaps of sticks on the top of his shoulders.

"Woah, Mr. Kisame! You're really strong!" The masked man said, twinkles in his eyes. Kisame gave a toothy grin in return, "Thanks, Tobi."

Tobi hummed as his response as Kisame dropped the pile of stick onto the ground. He stared at it for a few seconds before asking, "How will we start the fire, Mr. Kisame?" Of course; Obito could've started it right there and then with ease, but why would he do that? It would reveal too much, anyways. He wondered how they would even be able to start the fire – he doesn't think fire is the other's specialty.

The other male looked at him and snorted. "Easy, Tobi," He started. Obito was surprised, and a brow raised underneath a neon orange mask. Was he about to pull a fire jutsu on him? Was he even able to do so? He had never thought of the possibility, but only because he had never seen Kisame display any type of jutsu related to that. Instead of making hand signs, Obito watched the other male bend down and pick up some sticks.

Oh.

"Why, we do it the old fashioned way!"

 _Oh._

So that's what he meant. A crease formed between his two brows; Kami, were these the people he associated himself with?

Kisame crouched and began to rub the sticks against one another, trying to ignite a fire. Obito plopped down onto the ground. Great. This would take ages, and it was pretty chilly out, too. Actually… you know what?

"Mr. Kisame," Tobi started, approaching him. "Tobi will try to do it."

In reply, the other male chuckled. "Are you sure you can do it, Tobi?" And to that, the masked man nodded.

"Tobi needs you to get flowers!" He said. "I want to make a flower necklace for the two of us."

Kisame considered it for a little, before handing the Uchiha the sticks and walking off. Obito smiled underneath his mask. Good. He watched as Kisame left, still rubbing the sticks together absently. Once he was finally gone – Obito made sure he was with the use of his Sharingan – he slid his mask off to the side, feeling the cool air against his bare skin. He positioned himself over the pile of sticks they had gathered. He pulled out a few hand signs, puffing out a small ball of fire to ignite it, immediately beginning a flame.

As soon as Kisame came back, Tobi was sitting near the fire, humming softly to himself. The masked man turned to look at him, waving. "Hello, Mr. Kisame!" He motioned at the fire excitedly, "Look, look! Tobi did it!"

A look of shock crossed the other man's eyes. Obito was grinning.

"How'd you…?" Kisame started, mouth agape. Tobi shrugged, "I just did it the old fashioned way."

* * *

Kisame had handed Tobi the flowers he had asked for. A pair of fish-like stared at neon swirls that were placed upon the other's mask as he twiddled with the flower stems in his hands. A crease formed between his brows; how is it that the likes of someone like Tobi – a man of no talent, it seemed – was capable of making a fire like that under five minutes or so? It made no sense whatsoever. He was supposed to believe that _Tobi_ rubbed two sticks together and ignited a spark big enough to ignite a fire which spread to all the sticks and was a decent size in under _five minutes_?

"Mr. Kisame," Tobi's voice interrupted his thoughts, "I know I'm handsome, but there's no need to stare."

The taller man blinked for a few seconds before letting out a laugh. "Sorry about that, I'm just thinking."

Tobi stood silent, and in those moments, Kisame thought he saw something pass in the pitch black void of that mask hole. He caught a glint of… something. His smile faltered a little at that, but he averted his gaze. There had to be some type of jutsu involved; there just had to be. But Tobi… he couldn't have. So then what other explanation was there? That he actually was able to rub the two sticks together and ignite a fire that way?

Interesting.

The masked man's humming broke his train of thought. It sounded somewhat nostalgic… familiar, actually. His gaze shifted down to the flower necklace Tobi was weaving, and before he even registered the words coming out he heard the faint, soft whisper escape Tobi's lips. He hadn't heard what it said, but it was definitely… a name?

"What song is that?" Kisame asked him.

Tobi, who was usually so hyperactive, was quiet for once. "Just… an old lullaby."

And to this, Kisame replied right after. "Itachi's sung that before." He watched as the gloved hands that were so delicately tying together the flowers stopped in their tracks.

"Really?" Tobi asked, looking up at him. The other nodded, now shifting his gaze to meet eye level. Kisame wondered where the masked man had heard it; see, Itachi rarely ever hummed the song, but when he did, Kisame remembered it. He usually only heard the first or the last few parts, as the Uchiha only sung it when he was alone, so Kisame had only been able to catch the endings or the beginnings. When Kisame asked about it, he got the vague answer: "Just an old Uchiha lullaby." Which was interesting, since Tobi's answer was eerily similar – it just didn't include the word 'Uchiha'.

"How do you know of it?" the shark-like man continued, hints of skepticism in his tones. Tobi paused for a second, before rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Hah," Tobi started, as if he was embarrassed to admit something. "Sometimes Tobi sits around in his free time and spies on the other members. So Tobi's heard Mr. Itachi sing before," He suddenly sprung up, facing the other man and pointing at him. "You can't tell anyone about this, Mr. Kisame! This is Tobi's secret!"

Kisame's lips curled into a small smile, yet his expression was still somewhat serious; he believed he was going somewhere with this. "So you… you memorized it? How many times have you heard him sing or hum the tune to be able to memorize it so well? And to be able to fill in the gaps of the song…" Kisame paused, narrowing his eyes at the other for a few seconds, before bursting into laughter. "You must be one hell of a spy, Tobi!"

Tobi looked like he just let out a breath of air he was holding the entire time. It looked like he deflated. Was it out of relief? Or because he was nervous about something? "Yeah, Tobi really is! I learned it from Zetsu!"

"As expected, haha. But seriously. How were you able to memorize it?"

"Tobi has good memory!" was his simple reply.

Still, Kisame felt as if something was way off here. Wouldn't Itachi sense his chakra and immediately stop singing? Or was Tobi just that good at hiding from someone like the Uchiha? His gaze stayed on Tobi for a good three more seconds, before turning away again. Could it be? Kisame snorted out loud. No way.

Tobi, an Uchiha?

No was, the thought was absurd. Yeah, he was overthinking. What a funny thought that was; Uchiha… Tobi?

* * *

Obito knew he should've chosen his words carefully. That was way too close for comfort. Way. Too. Close.

He couldn't believe himself sometimes.

He was glad Kisame seemed to have just took it off as Tobi just being a really good hider, but did he really? Obito observed that snort. He caught that slight narrow in his eyes. The Uchiha knew it; Kisame got suspicious in those moments, though they were only in the split second. Still, he hoped the afterthought was Kisame just deciding that the thought of him being an Uchiha was rather preposterous, because it really was.

He was a failure.

Actually, no. He takes that back; he is not the failure here. It was the world that failed him.

That sounded a bit better. He wanted to laugh.

He had finished making the flower necklace, motioning it towards the other. "Mr. Kisame," Tobi started, holding it out to the other. It was beautiful; Obito could tell Kisame was somewhat impressed with the outcome. Maybe he had thought it would look messy and unkempt, but it looked like it was made with care. "Here."

Kisame leaned forward as Tobi proceeded to place the necklace around the other's neck collar. It was a little hard, as he didn't want to break the necklace. Colourful arrays of dark blue mixed with hues of purple were tied together neatly; it was vibrant. "Thanks," the taller man said, his lips curling into a grin. Underneath the mask, Obito's face was stoic. This was rather pathetic; a waste of time. Yet here he was, anyways. A soft sigh escaped from his mouth.

"You're welcome, Mr. Kisame," Tobi replied with hints of weariness. If Kisame had noticed it, he didn't say anything. Obito was growing really tired, which was unusual, but… this was one of the rare times he yearned for sleep. It was silent for a while, only the sounds of crackles every now and then filling up his ears.

"Tobi, I want to know how to make a flower necklace," Kisame suddenly said, which surprised Obito. Was he going to make one for him? How… sweet.

How pathetic.

Tobi looked down, only seeing scattered petals on the floor. "There's no more flowers, though, Mr. Kisame."

"Then I'll go and get some more."

Why would he take the effort to do such a thing? To return the favour? Kisame was somewhat kind, sure, but Obito didn't expect his heart to be that… giving.

"Okay!" Tobi said cheerfully, clapping two hands together brightly. He watched as the taller man stood himself upwards. Onyx eyes met the dark mask-hole for a few seconds, before he turned his heel and walked off into the forest, the shadows consuming his figure until Tobi could see him no more.

Strange, Obito had thought. Was even was kindness, anymore?

He didn't know how long he sat there for; hours, it felt like. Years. Decades. Centuries. But only a mere five minutes had passed by.

Life was too long. He just wanted to see the world in peace before he died. To see everyone living happy, though their lives would only be in a genjutsu. Complete and utter silence rung through his ears; a beautiful sound it was. Oh, how he wished to sit here forever, the world burning as he burned along with it.

Then, and only then, would the quiet be heard by everyone else. Apart from the screams of agony as others went through excruciating pain, it would all pass, and then there would be silence.

Pure silence.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice the slight brush of leaves from behind him. It only took a second rustle for him to snap out of his little trance, perking up suddenly. "Who's there?" Tobi asked, his shrill voice breaking the beautiful silence that he had cherished. In the black void of his eye-hole, an eye flashes red, narrowing.

No one answered. Obito's back straightened, his ears perking at whatever minimal sounds he could catch. He could see a figure of chakra heading towards him.

"Hello?" He asked again, this time a little more firmly as the shadow neared him. He thought this person would emerge from the shadows that overcasted them. But no, they didn't move. Tobi stood up.

Suddenly, "Water Style: Exploding Water Shock Wave!" came into Obito's ears. He knew exactly who it was and what was happening as soon as he heard that. He jumped from his position, a rush of water coming from the dark shadows of the forest. Obito narrowed his eyes from under his mask as he landed on the branch of a tree on the opposite side.

He had to get away; water was where Kisame was strongest. He could have escaped, right here, right now, but he chose not to for reasons that even he didn't know of. Kisame didn't hesitate to make his next move. He rode on the water naturally, heading towards where Tobi was.

"Water Style: Water Clone Jutsu!" Kisame roared, and Obito looked down as the thee other Kisame's emerged from the water he was standing on. Sharp teeth glinted in the moonlight as the shark-like man grinned at the Uchiha. His water clones dashed into the forest and into the trees Obito was standing on. Obito knew that water clones could only go so far, as they couldn't travel too far from the user. He held his mask as he ran through the trees whilst screaming, "Uwaah! Tobi's being attacked!"

Soon, the presence of the water clones were gone, and Obito stopped in his tracks. The rush of water moved to where his area was. But... where was Kisame?

Suddenly, water formed around him. Without warning, Tobi found himself trapped in a bubble of water. He didn't even have the time to take a breath of air beforehand. Where was Kisame? Where did he come from? He tilted his head to the side, only to see the man behind him, an arm extended into the water. How?

It seemed Kisame knew what Tobi was thinking. "While you kept trying to run from my water clones, your focus was more on them." He explained, "The moment you turned your back on me, I sped underneath you as you hopped from branch to branch. And when you paused, that is when I leaped from my position and placed you into my Water Prison." He explained simply.

So that's how he did it. How did he not notice? The Uchiha was in trouble here; he needed to somehow keep his act up while trying to find ways out of this mess. He could have an entire freak-out session, but that'd lose him a lot of air. Moving more in the water wouldn't help, but it's what Tobi would do. Obito could hold his breath for… a good amount of time, but it wouldn't be enough. Well, no matter, he could find a way out of this somehow… he had to. Or else he'd risk getting his mask taken off. There were a ton of ways to get out of this which were going through his mind, but none of them could guarantee that he wouldn't get figured out on something else.

How troublesome.

How _irritating._

Tobi's hands gripped his hair as he began to go into hysterics, and even that little action in itself caused Obito's lungs to rage for the need to breathe. Kisame displayed his sharp, pointy teeth. "How's it like it there?" He asked, letting out a satisfied chuckle. Obito's teeth clenched. He could not answer. "You'll pass out" Kisame continued, stating the obvious. The Uchiha's teeth began to grit. He knew that. And he knew exactly what the taller man was thinking; he'd wait until the Uchiha lost his breath, and then let him out of the water prison. From there, he'd unmask Obito.

Dammit. His mind, which would usually be racing with several ideas on how to get out, only had one thing in mind:

 _Kamui._

But… no. He couldn't risk that. He couldn't. That was something that was out of bounds – something that simply just wasn't allowed. Obito knew he could get out of this… somehow, yes, he could. Why, oh, why, did it have to be something as important as Kamui? Every single piece of information about Obito was crucial to the other Akatsuki members. Anything. Even his _age_ , something that he didn't care about anymore, was important. And Kamui was an ability he relied on quite a bit, which made it all the more worse. How was he to do this?

There was nothing coming to mind.

No, _wait_. There was one, but it was risky. And he didn't know if he'd be able to pull it off.

Tobi's actions became more frantic, and Kisame laughed as the masked man suffered intensely. The Uchiha's lungs felt shriveled as he moved more, feeling that he'd lose his breath fairly soon. He knew he'd have to fake it soon... just a few more seconds to make it believable. He clutched his throat dramatically, his body then going limp as he seemingly lost all air. Obito's eyes closed, but he did not feel the bubble of water go away. A few more seconds and he'd actually pass out.

Fortunately, a moment later, he was released as he fell onto the branch with a loud thud, hanging over it. A rush of air went into Obito's nose and he breathed, but he couldn't make it obvious. He needed to cough and hack all the water that was in his throat due to his actions from earlier. But he had to keep it down. His breaths were small and slow, which pained him. He was suddenly picked up and thrown over Kisame's back. The shark-like man's grip was strong — a little too strong. If the Uchiha inhaled, his chest would heave upwards, and due to Kisame's tight grip on him, it was impossible for him not to notice.

He was then thrown onto the ground — yes, thrown. He wasn't set down very gently — his back hitting a sharp rock in the process. He felt it pierce his lower back, but not a sound escaped him. This was absolute torture. But living in this world was worse, so he'd endure it. Obito could hear Kisame bend down, his feet shifting in the dark. The Uchiha stood still and prepared to activate his intangibility, but he realized that if he did so, Kisame would know he was awake, since the taller man had carried him just mere seconds ago. And he didn't know if Kisame was aware he could do this whenever he deemed he needed to, but if he were to activate it, it would become clear that he could.

He was stuck in quite the pickle here. He felt the presence of Kisame's hand nearing his mask, and Obito almost shivered; both because he was cold from the water and because he was desperately trying to find ways out of this problem. To activate or to not activate his ability?

* * *

Kisame couldn't help but grin in amusement as he felt the anticipation get to him — the desire to just rip off Tobi's mask was there. But he'd do it slowly, just for the small dramatic effect.

Oh, wait, no. Tobi had passed out. He wasn't breathing. He'd die if Kisame took any longer. Oops. He'd probably perform CPR on Tobi...

...Ah. Kisame couldn't hold back as his grin broadened. It was perfect. In order to perform CPR, he'd need to take off Tobi's mask. And if the masked man wanted to live... he couldn't do anything about it.

He had bent down, the gap between his fingers and Tobi's mask closing. If Tobi made himself intangible, then Kisame would know he was awake — though it was very unlikely, since Kisame hadn't felt that the other breathing — and could confirm that he could control his ability at will. If so... Tobi was more than what he came off as, and Hidan would have really been telling the truth.

He remembered the conversation he and Deidara had earlier.

 _"Kisame, hm," Deidara started. Tobi hadn't been around; he had just been blown a few miles away by the arsonist. Deidara would usually either have a look of satisfaction on his face, or he'd be flushed with rage. But his expression was... different._

 _A crease had formed in between both his now furrowed brows as he stared in the direction Tobi had flown, a frown on his face. Kisame had raised a brow at him._

 _"What's wrong?" He had asked._

 _"Hidan was right," the arsonist had murmured, "He's able to activate it at his will... his intangibility. I had actually noticed quite a while ago, I think the day I found out he even had such an ability, yeah. But it's not that that gets me, hm. His fists clench, "It's the fact that it's as if he enjoys making a fool out of us."_

 _"Hm," Kisame had said, thinking to himself. That was plausible. "But we need to somehow make a final confirmation... Hidan didn't really provide us too much information, other than—"_

 _"—'he can't stay like that all the time' and 'he's able to be like that whenever he fucking wants'." Deidara finished for him. "Yes, I know, hm. And even then, it's still a big piece of information. I didn't realize how important it was until now... I guess we were too busy focusing on Hidan's bird-shit situation, yeah."_

 _They both cracked a small smile at the mention of that, but it slowly disappeared from Deidara's lips. Whatever hint of of a smile that was there beforehand had now transformed into utter fury. "But we still need more... dammit! We all don't even know what he did with Tobi, other than the fact that he performed a ritual on him. But that's it, hm! Even when he's not here, he irritates me!"_

 _Before the blond bomber began to heat up again, Kisame put a hand on the smaller man's shoulder. "Don't overthink too much, Deidara. I'll find out — since Hidan didn't exactly give us too many details — for you."_

 _The arsonist took a deep breath, and his shoulders relaxed. "Yeah," he said quietly. He looked at Kisame with a smile, a blue orb sparkling radiantly, even in the darkness of the night. "Thanks, hm."_

Kisame smiled a little. Deidara may be a brat sometimes, but he really did have a passion for this mission. He must despise unanswered questions.

The tip of his fingers had finally touched Tobi's mask. So he was tangible — it made sense. He had passed out. It felt rough under his skin, and rather bumpy. He grinned as he went down to the masked man's chin, ready to lift up the bottom of his mask.

He held his breath.

Suddenly, Tobi coughed. Kisame kind of jumped up, somewhat startled. Kisame's hand went through Tobi's head. After a series of coughing and hacking came from the masked man, Kisame blinked. What? He was... confused. "Were you awake this entire time?" He asked. Tobi did not answer, exaggerating his movements and his struggle to breathe. Kisame put two hands onto his shoulders, "Quick, I need to perform CPR on you—"

"No need, no need!" Tobi said in the most cheerful voice he could muster, though he sounded rather strained. "Tobi is A-okay!"

Kisame couldn't understand. "How are you okay? I thought you had passed out!"

"Why, did Mr. Kisame _want_ Tobi to pass out?"

"No," Kisame said, "I'm just... wondering... how did you...?"

"How did Tobi _what_ , Mr. Kisame?"

For some strange reason, Kisame felt a chill go down his spine when he looked down at the black void which was Tobi's mask hole. Something... unsettling was behind that. He couldn't place a finger on what it felt like, though. His question was so simple, so innocent... but it held _something._ He didn't know what. He felt somewhat different all of a sudden. The way it was said was so unlike Tobi. Almost rude, like Tobi was tired of whatever this was and just wanted everything to get over with.

It was probably just his imagination though, because the next thing he knew, Tobi was waving his hands vigorously over Kisame's face. He blinked.

"Hello? Mr. Kisame? Are you there?" Tobi asked, and Kisame proceeded to force out a small chuckle. "Yes, yes, just fine..." He replied absently. He focused more on Tobi, though. He saw that the masked man's chest was heaving up and down, hearing ragged breaths coming from behind the mask. As if he had held his breath for a long period of time...

Ah, so that was it. Kisame had gotten it. So Tobi had held his breath? But how was he able to hold it for so long? It was an incredibly lengthy amount of time.

It went quiet for a moment.

* * *

Tobi then shivered as a breeze of wind came to them. He was soaking wet in the cool air. "Mr. Kisame," Tobi said, "I'm cold."

For some reason, Kisame tackled him. He didn't know why or where it came from. Was he just that desperate to feed his and Deidara's curiousity? The shark-like man landed on top of him, and Tobi shrieked, "Mr. Kisame! What are you doing?!" To which the shark-like man did not reply. The masked man wriggled and squirmed underneath him, desperately trying to get away.

Kisame began to attempt at landing punches onto Tobi's mask, as if he thought that breaking it would be the best decision if he couldn't take it off. But his attempts were futile; Obito simply sent the area of where he was getting attacked into the Kamui dimension, stopping him from getting harmed in any way. Kisame's fists went through his head, to which Obito observed the other's teeth clench.

He kept trying to hit, but it wasn't working. Obito finally got out of Kisame's grasp, lightly getting up onto his feet while still trying to avoid Kisame's attacks. "Olé!" he exclaimed cheerfully as a punch missed him. He kept stepping backwards as Kisame approached him more, swinging his fists. Obito decided to become tangible, just as Kisame brought his leg up to Tobi's face. With his fast reflexes, Obito dodged it by blocking it with a hand. The taller man's eyes locked with the Uchiha's once more, and behind the mask, an eye flashed red. The ebony haired male could sense the other's momentary surprise, so he quickly moved his feet and used his knee to kick into Kisame's jaw. It wasn't powerful, no, but it wasn't weak, either.

Kisame couldn't help but huff out a laugh, wiping the blood that was dripping from his lips from that one kick. "Ne, Tobi," he started, "I didn't know you knew taijutsu."

"What's taijutsu?" Tobi asked innocently, before Kisame charged at him once again. And then, the masked man vanished. Obito had disappeared into the ground. Kisame looked around for him, only to see the man with the swirly, orange mask behind him. The Uchiha's expression under the mask hardened. He was cold, and this was a waste of time. Kisame wouldn't achieve anything.

Again and again, the shark-like man charged to no avail. Obito kept dodging and dodging, and it came to the point where Kisame was starting to get irritated. He pulled out a kunai, this time, and charged, but Tobi vanished once more, appearing atop of Kisame. He then balled both of his fists and put them together, smashing Kisame down forcefully.

The taller man went down, a look of surprise on his face as his body met the ground. Tobi hummed as he sat on top of the other, as if everything that has just happened was the norm. "Tobi is _cold_ , Mr. Kisame... can we go home now?"

Obito had no intention of getting off until Kisame agreed. He was very weary.

"Fine," Kisame said after a while, and now, it was his turn to cough. "Get off of me, Tobi."

"Okay!" Tobi exclaimed happily, suddenly jumping up and doing just that. He acted as if nothing had happened at all; as if he hadn't almost drowned, as if he hadn't just been freezing in the cool, Summer air, as if he hadn't just performed taijutsu, as if he hadn't done _anything_. Kisame was ultimately befuddled. He was stunned, so to say.

As Tobi skipped off into the distance, Kisame got up and brushed himself off, staring at the other male with narrowed eyes.

"I think," Obito could hear Kisame say, even though he had skipped a few feet away already, "Something is off, here, Samehada."

* * *

Sooner or later, the pair had arrive back at the base. Tobi had burst into the base, ignoring the fact that the rest of the Akatsuki were there, patiently waiting for Kisame, as he ran off towards one of the halls, trying to find Zetsu. All eyes were on him until he left the room. Then, those eyes turned towards the man with blue skin.

"So," Kisame started, breaking the silence. "I was right. I didn't get to use Samehada."

" _Kisame_ , hm," Deidara said, seeing how Tobi left behind puddle of water and how dirty Kisame looked. "What happened? You look like you just got into a fistfight. Did you find anything?"

"I don't know," The said man admitted sheepishly. "I guess I found... a lot about Tobi and I'm still trying to think things through."

"Explain?" the arsonist said. Kisame didn't meet his eyes, instead looking at his partner, Itachi. A pair of red, beady orbs stared back at him. He then averted his gaze.

"Well... it's a long story."

From the corner of the room, Kisame heard a groan. He turned in the direction he had heard it from, seeing Hidan sitting lazily on the ground. "Long stories can suck my dick. Give us the short version."

"Fine," Kisame said, turning back towards the others. "Soon after you had left, Deidara," He eyed the bomber, "Tobi suggested that we make a fire. So, for fun, I agreed to it. And then _—"_

"Why would you agree to it? That's a waste of time..." Kakuzu said, going through bills in his hand.

"I know, I know, but hear me out. I just wanted to spend a little time with him before I did anything else. I was planning to get close to him, or form a bond or something—"

From a distance, Kisame heard Itachi sigh.

"—Before asking him a few questions, if he'd let me." Kisame continued, "You know... slip of the tongue."

"I see," Deidara said, frowning. "But trust me, I've done that one too many times... and it really doesn't work out, yeah. The idiot never knows when to watch his words, but whenever it has anything remotely close to having to do with him, he's as mute as a dead man. He avoids the topic and just talks about butterflies and shit, hm."

"I know. But I wasn't even able to get too much out of him, anyways. He was unusually quiet." Kisame said, mirroring Deidara's expression. "He just sat there and made me a flower necklace when we sat around the fire."

Hidan snorted, "That reminds me. Oi, barbie," the Jashinist turned his head to look at Deidara, "You never told me that swirly fucker made you a flower crown!"

"He _told_ you about that?" The blond bomber exasperated. "I'll kill him, hm!"

"You probably looked like a Princess!" Hidan snorted out loud, "Princess Deidara!"

"Silence," Itachi said, voice dark and serious. A pair of eyes flashed red. "Now is not the time for idle chatter. Kisame, continue."

Deidara and Hidan let out a scowl, but stayed silent. Itachi seemed to have ruined their little moment. Deidara would usually reply back with a retort, but he chose not to, knowing that he should be letting Kisame say what he needed to. Kisame looked at Deidara, hints of appreciation in his eyes.

"Anyways," Kisame continued, "I went elsewhere to go get some flowers Tobi had requested, and I left him to make the fire by himself. I told him to do it the old fashioned way _—_ you know, rubbing two sticks together and all that. Of course, I never thought I'd come back with the fire all ready and set... I was only away for five minutes or so and the flames were already so strong."

Deidara's eyebrows furrowed. "Are you trying to tell me," He started, an obvious look of disbelief crossing his face. "That he started that fire with two sticks in under five minutes?"

"That's what I was surprised about too!" Kisame told the younger male. "I was just as surprised as you were. And when I asked him about it, he told me that he, 'did it the old fashioned way'."

"Was he trying to mock you?" Deidara asked, and to this, Kisame shrugged. "I don't know. But after that he just went quiet, kind of. "

"What else did you find?"

"Well... fast forwarding, I trapped him in a Water Prison afterwards. And he started freaking out, and sooner or later, he went limp. I had assumed he had passed out..." His eyebrows furrowed, "But it seemed he hadn't."

"What do you mean?" the same bomber asked.

"When he passed out, I heaved him over my shoulder and brought him down to some level grounds. I put him onto the floor and then reached to take his mask off, and I was so close. His intangibility wasn't activated... I could touch him. I was about to take off his mask, but then my fingers went through him and he started coughing. Since I hadn't felt him breathing, I thought that he had passed out. And if he was conscious even in the slightest _—_ though I found it unlikely that he would be _—_ he wouldn't allow himself to die, right? He'd need CPR, and he'd allow me to do it if he wanted to live."

Deidara's nose wrinkled into to that of disgust, "I see what you did there, Kisame, hm. But seriously, that's a big leap to take _—_ to go as far as offering to do CPR on _Tobi_? His breath probably smells like rotten dangos!"

Kisame couldn't help but let out a laugh, "I know, but it was one way to go at things! Anyways, he began to cough, as I said. And yes, Deidara, he can control his intangibility at will, I fully realized that as well. He wouldn't have done it _—_ honestly, he would've been more focused on living, but he didn't let me take off his mask."

"I _told_ you guys that part already! The fucker can do that shit as his own will!" Hidan yelled. Kisame, who made no sign of hearing him, continued, "So I offered to do CPR on him, but... he claimed he was perfectly fine. Though I noticed he was breathing quite heavily... other than that, it was as if none of that ever happened. I don't know, I just found it... strange. I was trying to think everything out on what Tobi did and ended on the conclusion that he pretended to pass out. But by doing so, he held his breath for so long. And I was wondering _how_ he did so."

"Kisame, yeah," Deidara rubbed his temples, "Did you seriously let him go just because you were impressed by how long he could hold his breath for?"

"No!" Kisame immediately said defensively. "I didn't. I was just confused, I guess."

"So you just trapped him in a Water Prison and that was that?"

"The stronger my opponent, Deidara, the stronger I become. Tobi is not that strong... so I only did what I thought necessary. But no, that's not all. I... physically attacked him."

Deidara blinked. "Don't tell me you accidentally knocked him out, hm. Is that what took you so long?"

"I didn't. I tackled him down and tried to punch his face so that his mask would break, but I wasn't able to do anything. I just phased through him, which I expected, but I still tried. And he eventually escaped from underneath me _—"_

"Oh, that sounds wrong—"

"—And then he got up onto his feet and I attempted to kick his mask off, but he blocked it with his hand. I was surprised, of course, so I paused for a second. And in that moment, he took that opportunity to ram his knee into my jaw." Kisame touched the area he had gotten hit in.

The others looked at him incredulously. "Tobi _blocked_ your attack?"

"Yes, he did." Kisame replied, frowning. It was extremely out of character for Tobi to do so, so that was one of the factors to his discombobulation. "And I kept trying to hit him but he continuously dodged me. I was... starting to get rather annoyed, so without thinking, I pulled out a kunai and _—"_

"Did you _throw_ it at him?!"

"No, I attacked him with it. And he did something I never expected he'd do..." Kisame trailed off, eyebrows furrowing. He could remember the moment so vividly, and something about Tobi's demeanor had changed... how come he just kept getting these weird shivers? The feeling of being unnerved?

"What'd he do, hm?" Deidara asked, listening intently with his eyebrows cocked down. To this, Kisame replied with, "He... disappeared. He vanished completely from my sight, and the next thing I knew, he was on top of me while I was heading for him. And then I felt him push me into the ground, which is why I look like a mess. And then... and then he acted normal. Like nothing ever happened."

The room went silent.

What was up with Tobi? What caused him to act that way? Everyone became lost into their thoughts. It was just the thought of the masked man doing anything remotely skillful that got to all of them.

"I think," Kisame continued, "He's kind of good at taijutsu. I wouldn't say he's a proficient at it, but he has potential. I just don't know where it came from."

Tobi, who had never shown any skill nor talent in _anything_ , was suddenly potentially good at taijutsu? The idea was simply laughable. From across the room, a certain silver haired male burst out laughing.

"This is fucking hilarious," Hidan said, "Are you sure you weren't seeing things, Kisame?"

"I wasn't."

"How did he disappear, Kisame?" Itachi's voice suddenly filled the room. "Do you know how he did it?"

To this, Kisame replied, "No, I don't."

It was quite obvious that these pieces of information were new to all of them, and that they were all trying to wrap their heads around it. So maybe there _was_ a good reason Leader had recruited him. But why was he only showing this skill now? Why not before?

"And his voice... had something to it. There's this unsettling demeanor I find about him. I keep seeing things in his mask-hole, too. Like a flash of... something." Kisame added. Deidara's eyes immediately lit up, looking right at the taller male. "That happened to me too, hm! He has this certain aura to him. This certain voice that I just can't place my tongue on. He sounds exactly the same, and the tone of his voice is still like it has always been, yeah, but there's just _something there_. It's hard to explain."

"Really?" Hidan raised a brow, still amused. "I've never heard it."

"I'm sure you would have been just as unsettled, Hidan." Deidara said, to which the Jashinist scoffed, "Yeah, no. You guys are just pussies."

Kisame didn't say anything, and Deidara's eye twitched in annoyance. "I swear... I'll blow you up someday!"

"Try it, bitch!"

"Shut up, you brats," Kakuzu stepped in, sighing wearily. He put his money into his pocket neatly, glancing at the others before walking away. "I'm going off to sleep. Don't disturb me. And if I hear any of you, I'll stitch your lips together."

Whilst still bickering, Hidan and Deidara walked off to their beds, their loud voices filling up the base. It soon faded into nothing, though. Now, it was only Itachi and Kisame left.

"I'm going," Itachi said flatly, but just as he was about to leave, Kisame said, "Itachi."

The Uchiha paused to glance back at the other. "What?"

"Tobi... Tobi knows the lullaby."

"...What?"

"Well... I forgot to mention this, but I heard him humming it. And when I asked him, he gave me an answer that was suspiciously similar to yours."

"What'd he say?"

"He said, 'Just an old lullaby.'"

Kisame could basically feel that something had hit Itachi when he said that. There was something in Itachi's eyes that had changed. The Uchiha turned his head, looking away. "Is that all?"

"Yeah," Kisame answered.

"Then I'll take my leave."

Kisame watched as Itachi walked off, and though Itachi tried to hide it, Kisame could see a burning red illuminating the darkness of his surroundings.

* * *

 **A/N:** **Hello, hello! I am surprisingly alive. I would just like to apologize to you all for the long wait. A lot of things happened, and some are extremely personal. I won't get too much into detail, but let's just say some... life-changing stuff happened and I've been trying to recover. I've been doing well so far, though!**

 **Thanks for all the support you guys grant me, I really do appreciate it. And I'm glad you're all patient. I kind of dislike yet like this chapter at the same time; it's rushed at certain parts, yet I spent so much time and poured my heart into other ones. It's strange. I've been trying my best to write but I've honestly lost my passion for writing. Or, well, until recently. I've been wanting to finish this up. There'll only be about three chapters left!**

 **Next chapter: Kakuzu.**

 **I apologize for any grammatical/spelling errors. I absolutely despise those, yet I make so many of them. I honestly need a beta reader, hah. But I'm insecure when it comes to that stuff. I'll also be rewriting all of this. The previous chapters are a** _mess_ **. I wrote them last year, and my writing style has kind of changed. I'm sorry about how I keep going back and forth on who's perspective I'm writing in. I've been using the lines as my way of separating them.**

 **I hope you've all been smiling and doing well. Just know that I love each and every one of you.**

 **(Also the chapter I'm the most excited to write out is Itachi's. I have so much in mind! The real stuff's gonna go down when it's his turn. Don't worry, you'll see when it happens.)**

 **Sincerely, MK.**

 **P.S. ! I've also recently gotten into Hunter x Hunter and I'm writing out a HisoIllu fanfic on it... tell me if you'd be interested in reading it, to any of those who are also HisoIllu trash. 3**


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